


come home to you

by dochiwrites



Category: NCT (Band), WAYV
Genre: China, Falling In Love, Fluff and Angst, Friends to Lovers, Jung Yoonoh | Jaehyun-centric, Language Barrier, M/M, Pining, Slow Burn, Winter
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-01-25
Updated: 2020-02-23
Packaged: 2021-02-27 06:42:06
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 5
Words: 31,687
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/22302790
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/dochiwrites/pseuds/dochiwrites
Summary: And in that moment, Jaehyun feels it laid out in front of him. When only half of his body is lying on a bed, with nothing but the moon to illuminate them from the window. When he’s looking at his best friend, half-listening to him ramble on about constellations and cosmos and not understand a thing of what he’s talking about. When he’d still choose this moment over anything… that’s when he realizes it:Jaehyun is in love with Sicheng.or: They say people will fall in love with Shanghai, but Jaehyun thinks he fell in love with something else.
Relationships: Dong Si Cheng | WinWin/Jung Yoonoh | Jaehyun
Comments: 110
Kudos: 598





	1. one

**Author's Note:**

> firstly, thank you to 🥀 for beta-ing this for me, gushing with me, cheering for me, and telling me this deserved to see the light of day T_T you truly are the best big sister
> 
> this was supposedly a short oneshot that blossomed into a multi-chaptered fic for the sole reason of me wanting to see this particular scene set in the bund. almost scrapped it, but then wayv decided to hangout there as if they were calling me to finish it lol. feelings i got along the way were unwarranted. >_<
> 
>  **disclaimer:** i've only been to shanghai once in my life and i completely fell in love with it, so consider this as my love letter. that being said, this is _a work of fiction_ and i truly apologize for any inaccuracies, so please suspend all disbelief if necessary. enjoy!

“Are you sure your parents are okay with this?” Sicheng asks.

After hours of napping and lounging around the airport, the two of them have finally boarded the plane to Pudong. Sicheng scoots over and takes the seat beside the window, lifting the shade open as he takes his sneakers off. Jaehyun, on the other hand, is busy squeezing his carry-on inside the overhead bin while simultaneously avoiding himself getting decked in the head by a middle-aged man struggling to lift his baggage.

He looks back at Sicheng and scrunches his nose. “Yeah. Why wouldn't they be? They’ve known you for like what– 10 years? It’s not like I’m being abducted or anything.”

Once he succeeds in fitting his bag in, he sighs in relief, flopping down beside Sicheng’s seat. The legroom is nowhere near comfortable, but booking a last-minute flight to Shanghai during peak season also meant hiked prices, so they had no choice but to take what they can get from a budget airline on seat sale.

Sicheng rubs his nape. "I mean- I thought you said you had plans with them for the holidays. With your relatives from America coming over?"

“It's boring anyway,” shrugs Jaehyun.

“Jaehyun.”

“What? It’s not like they have any out-of-town plans. If anything, it’s another one of those dinners with these relatives I barely know, and I’m sick of being the only one my age around, so...”

He knows he’s starting to sound a bit whiny, but it’s not like he's lying. Jaehyun has been the only teenager in both his maternal and paternal family tree. His cousins are at both extremes of the age demographic, and he would always find himself either sitting through stories about the horrors of midlife crisis or playing tea time with the five-year-olds. No in-between.

He looks over at Sicheng, but he doesn’t look convinced. Jaehyun gets it, though. After years of being joined by the hip, it’s safe to conclude that Sicheng is a bit of a people-pleaser. Jaehyun tagging along this trip is already unnerving for his best friend and causing him unnecessary pressure.

In an effort to reassure him, Jaehyun adds, “Look, they said I could choose not to stay. And it’s my choice to go to Shanghai, you didn’t force me into this. Besides, I’d spend winter anywhere else  _ but _ Seoul.”

Judging how his face slightly loosens up, he figures it’s enough to satisfy what Sicheng needs to hear. Winter really isn't the most pleasant in Seoul.

Maybe five-year-old Jaehyun would've enjoyed playing around in the snow making snow angels and dressing up snowmen in scarves, but over the years, the season has gotten way too overwhelming for him to handle– he catches a cold easily, his fingertips start to numb before the temperature drops to the lowest point, and his joints crack at the slightest movement (much to Sicheng's amusement; cue "This is why you should stretch more often!") 

So not to sugarcoat, Jaehyun really does want to get the hell out of there. At least for the dead of winter. And, from what he knows, it barely even snows in Shanghai anymore.

Cutting their conversation short, the flight attendant's voice sounds off through the speakers, requesting passengers to switch their mobile devices on airplane mode. Jaehyun fishes his phone out of his jeans. A message from his mother wishing him a safe trip remains unread, and Jaehyun shoots her a quick  _ ‘will do. love you mom’ _ before turning it off.

“My friends are picking us up from there,” Sicheng says, he types a reply on his phone before looking up at him.

"Oh, cool."

Sicheng has mentioned to him before that over the years that he’s been coming home, his mom has moved out of Shanghai and lived back to her hometown outside of the central business district. 

With their flight arriving on a late Thursday, it's lucky for them that most of Sicheng's friends are lodged in a dorm in the city, and had offered to take the two of them in for the meantime.

"You remember them? The ones who pulled a stunt on me last year. Apparently, with  _ your _ help," Sicheng presses on the word.

Jaehyun nods, grinning. “By stunt, you mean them chipping in to put up a video advertisement of you?"

"Please don't," Sicheng groans, hiding his face in his hands. "They put up my full name in that ad that by the time it was up, my phone started blowing up from the amount of friend requests."

Jaehyun snorts, "You won nationwide, you were already getting a ton of friend requests in Korea alone."

Sicheng sighs, avoiding Jaehyun's eyes.

“Will you be okay? I mean– I know you've talked to Ten because he was the one who messaged you, but some of them don’t speak Korean. I mean, not fluently. Most of them learned English in school, though. Oh! And one of them said he started taking Korean as his elective and–"

"Sicheng." He’s starting to fumble with his words, and Jaehyun cuts him off before he could finish.  _ "You _ didn’t speak Korean. It's not a problem, alright?"

Sicheng winces at the memory, embarrassed. “I’m good now!” he says defensively, shoving Jaehyun. His ears start turning red that Jaehyun couldn’t stop himself from pinching them a little too hard. Sicheng squirms away from him, sticking close to the window.

-

Even as kids, Jaehyun has already known there was something spectacular about Sicheng. At the school playground, his attempt at making friends was to show off his barrel turns and cartwheels and handsprings. Many of his classmates gaped and awed, but only for the duration of the act. Eventually, they never bothered attempting to communicate with him since Sicheng spoke in broken Korean, and well, his peers just didn't have the patience for that.

Jaehyun considered Sicheng's skill a gift, an innate talent. Way before they even talked to each other. Turns out that the stunts Sicheng pulled weren’t as easy as they looked. Jaehyun had to learn that the hard way by getting his forearm fractured when he tried to do it himself at his backyard.

When he came in to class that day with a hard cast on his arm, his classmates avoided him like the plague. No one even asked him how he ended up injuring himself, so he stayed in the classroom while everyone else played outside. With him in the room sits a quiet Sicheng, intently reading and memorizing Korean phrases from a handbook he came with. He was too distracted to notice Jaehyun.

Jaehyun pulled up a chair in front of him and tapped his shoulder, handing a Sharpie.

"Name," he said simply.

Sicheng looked around to make sure he was the one being addressed.

"Write your name," Jaehyun motioned at his cast. Sicheng smiled, accepting the marker from his hand. By instinct, he wrote in Chinese characters at first, and before he could scribble it off, Jaehyun said, "It's okay!" He gave a thumbs up for good measure, so Sicheng kept scribbling.

"Dong Sicheng," he mumbled, pointing at the foreign characters written on Jaehyun's arm.

Jaehyun gave him a fond smile. "Jung Jaehyun."

-

The plane ride to Pudong is supposedly less than two hours. In a perfect world, they would've gotten there three hours before midnight, and according to Sicheng's friends, less than 30 minutes away from where they were staying. Enough time to get settled and catch a decent amount of sleep for the next day. Except that it isn't a perfect world.

As expected of the holiday season, the air traffic is much worse than land. Their plane has been standing by for an hour now, unable to take off due to some reason Jaehyun didn't even bother understanding because he's already too engrossed watching a movie he had downloaded on his phone beforehand.

Another 30 minutes have passed, and Jaehyun is already staring at the end credits. He takes his headphones off, aware that the passengers are starting to get antsy. Turns out, the weather was starting to turn bad, and they had to wait a while before the plane could be cleared for take-off. Sicheng, on his side, has been snoring silently on his shoulder. After draining the rest of his phone battery playing games, he resorted to sleeping.

Jaehyun sighs. As much as he wants to complain, it's not like there's so much that can be done. He takes his phone out, going through his music playlist and sticking his earphones back in. He blasts the volume on max, a little too loud that Sicheng stirs for a bit, half-awake now. Unmoving his head from Jaehyun's shoulder, he holds his palm out, asking for the other earbud.

Jaehyun leans back, resting his cheek lightly on Sicheng's head as he peels the other one off his ear. At this point, drowning out everyone's noise is the best option.

-

"Have you told them what terminal we'd be getting off at?" Jaehyun asks after dragging the last luggage off the baggage claim carousel. Sicheng has brought so much with him that Jaehyun wanted to tease him if he was moving back to China, but he decided against it after noticing how frantic his friend has been ever since they landed.

"I did, but I didn't get to tell them we got delayed since my phone died."

Jaehyun nods, particularly calmer in this situation. “Why does it feel like I’m the one coming home to China every year?” he chuckles.

This gets a smile out of Sicheng.

_ "Dong Sicheng!" _

They both turn their heads back. A person Jaehyun doesn't recognize runs up to Sicheng, with about four to five people following behind him.

"Kun-ge!" Sicheng beams, running up to collide with his friends until he's eventually swallowed by their hugs and head patting and cheek pinching.

Jaehyun doesn't run after them, a few feet apart now. He watches the sight of a heartwarming reunion and couldn't help but smile. Sicheng only sees his friends once a year, and every time he talks about them with Jaehyun, his eyes start lighting up, and his mouth curls into a sad smile. It’s like every time Sicheng goes back to Korea from his hometown, he’s counting down the days until he’s here again. And now he is.

A hand taps on Jaehyun’s shoulder. He looks over almost too quickly and faces someone a little shorter than him, dressed in specs and drowning under an oversized cardigan. He looks a little worn-out himself, most likely since they've been cooped up at the airport for the past three hours now. He holds Sicheng’s abandoned luggage in one hand, reaching out his other. “Hi. Jaehyun, right?”

He’s being greeted in English that it takes a moment for him to register.  _ “Y-yes. Hi.” _ He stutters, answering back with his very limited Chinese until eventually deciding to settle in English instead. “I’m, uh, with Sicheng.”

He points back lousily at Sicheng, who’s busy being roughhoused by their other friends.

“You can talk to me in English, it’s my first language anyway,” he smiles. “Sorry about them. They’re not usually this rude, they just missed him. I’m Ten, by the way. We talked once last year after I stalked your social and asked for that video."

"Yeah, I remember."

“Ten-ah!” Sicheng calls over, both of them looking back at him being headlocked by a much bigger guy. “Help me!” he whines.

“That’s what you get for leaving your bag in the middle of the airport,” Ten shakes his head, sighing at the sight of his friends. He lifts the handle of Sicheng’s luggage and tilts his head at Jaehyun, signaling him to come with.

Jaehyun shifts awkwardly, following closely behind. It’s starting to feel like he’s intruding an intimate moment among family and he fleetingly wonders if he made the right choice tagging along. Ten, on the other hand, seems to get the message. He stops briefly for Jaehyun to catch up beside him.

“You look cuter in your profile picture.”

Jaehyun uses this opportunity to free himself from the tension, taking upon Ten’s offer. “You look taller in yours."

“Oh my god, you’re just like the rest of them!” Ten groans dramatically. After he allows Jaehyun to let out a laugh, he offers him a knowing smile. “So,” he flickers his eyes towards Sicheng, “how long has it been?"

"Um. Well, we were delayed for an hour and a half, then my line for immigration and baggage claim took up another hour so..."

Ten deadpans at him. "No. I meant  _ how long? _ " He tilts his head back again until Jaehyun understands the context.

Oh.

His eyes widen, and he starts to stammer. “U-us? Oh, we’re not-” He looks over at Sicheng, now laughing loudly at a present one of them brought out for him: a rolled out poster with his childhood photos splattered all over (most of which had missing front teeth.) Jaehyun hasn’t seen him laugh that hard back in Korea, and it makes him wonder if Sicheng deserved happiness like this be taken away from him. “We’re not together that way,” he finally says.

Ten answers him with a curt smile and nods. Jaehyun could tell Ten was unconvinced, but he figured persuading would just make him look more desperate, so he doesn’t. 

Once the two of them have reached around arms distance from their little circle of friends, the group surrounding Sicheng breaks away to acknowledge Jaehyun, giving him a welcoming nod and politely introducing themselves in Korean. Sicheng grins at them like a proud father.

“So, Jaehyun- Kun, Lucas, Hendery, Yangyang, Dejun," Ten recaps for him. "Oh, and that tall twig right there is Sicheng, but he’s unimportant.”

“Hey!” Sicheng scoffs, followed by a round of chuckles from everyone. He glances at Jaehyun then back at Ten, switching in Chinese. Jaehyun doesn’t fully grasp the sentence, but it seems to be a taunt towards him, which Ten responds with by sticking his tongue out.

They eventually start evacuating the waiting area after being told off by airport security for staying in too long. Jaehyun sticks close to Sicheng, walking beside him as Sicheng tries to grab his carry-on from him, but Jaehyun refuses to let go.

“You doing okay?” Sicheng asks.

Jaehyun looks back at him and smiles. “Don’t worry about me.”

"Listen. If they start asking you really invasive questions, just let me know, okay? The last thing I want is you realizing how annoying these guys are."

"I can understand Korean, you know!" One of them, Kun, blurts out in perfectly eloquent Korean. He catches up beside Sicheng and glares at him.

It almost scares Jaehyun until Sicheng wiggles his brows at Kun and says, "Not you, of course. You're my favorite  _ gege _ ." He reaches up to pinch both of his cheeks.

"I think you're forgetting who actually  _ listens _ in Korean class here," Kun waves his hand off, sulking.

"Sicheng," Ten whines behind them, pushing Sicheng's cart for him. "You said I was your favorite."

"Yo, Jaehyun." Jaehyun looks behind him. It was Lucas, this time speaking in English. "These guys," he waves a hand over them. "Annoying, right?"

Jaehyun grins. With friends like these around, maybe tagging along this vacation isn't such a bad idea.

-

At half-past midnight, there aren't a lot of options to dine in, so they decide to ring a restaurant that delivers 24/7 takeout and eat at their hostel instead.

Back when Jaehyun was asking Sicheng if he could tag along, Sicheng tried to lower Jaehyun’s expectations by saying he was staying at a dormitory-type apartment with barely breathable air. Jaehyun didn’t seem to mind. It at least appeases him that the rest of Sicheng’s friends stayed in the same building– with each room having a space big enough for one bunk bed, a kitchen, and a bathroom.

Sicheng's friends managed to bribe the landlord into letting Jaehyun and Sicheng stay over at a vacant room and charge them for a much lower price. No university student was going to rent it for the winter break anyway. It’s the best budget-friendly deal they could get for staying in the heart of the city.

Settling in was a lot harder than they thought. Given that Sicheng brought so much luggage with him, climbing four flights of stairs had all of them panting for air as they carried (well, dragged) the bags up to their room. It irritated Yangyang so much he threatened to throw the stuff out the window for good.

As soon as they dump their baggage at the apartment, they catch their breath for a while before finally settling in for a well-deserved midnight dinner.

Lucas sprawls himself over the carpet, repeatedly getting hit by Dejun in his butt to get up because there isn’t enough space for everyone. Sicheng starts pulling out a foldable table that has been dusting on a cabinet and Jaehyun rushes to help him, so as not to stay still.

“I’ll order now, does anyone want anything?” Kun asks as he dials a number on his phone.

“Chicken feet!”   
“Spring rolls!”   
“Chow mein!”   
“Not spring rolls, we had that yesterday.”   
“Jaehyun and Sicheng weren’t here yesterday, you idiot!”

Kun nods his head at both of them. “Sicheng? Jaehyun?”

Sicheng looks at him, dusting his hands off from the now laid out table. “They have the best dumplings there," Sicheng suggests, and Jaehyun nods at him in approval. "Can never have Chinese food that authentic. It was the last place I ate in before I left for Korea.”

Right after Kun wraps up their order, Dejun mumbles something to Ten in Chinese, and Ten bursts into laughter. The others look at him curiously.

"Ah, Sicheng kept sobbing that day. The manager had to ask him to stop because he was interrupting a birthday on the other table."

Sicheng sighs, but a smile spreads over his face. "Will you stop embarrassing me?"

“Oh, Sicheng,” Ten coos. “That's what we're here for.”

When the food finally arrives, the boys circle around the table. It was low enough for them to stay seated on the floor and long enough for all of the styrofoam boxes to fit while having moveable arm space to eat.

The group then starts talking, murmuring, and opening up boxes of food until Sicheng clicks his tongue.  _ "Hey, don't exclude Jaehyun." _ He scolds them in Chinese, but Jaehyun catches on.

_ "It's okay,"  _ Jaehyun responds back in their language, much to everyone's surprise, including Sicheng. He stirs a piece of seasoned chicken on his plate.  _ "I can understand... a little _ ." He says it slowly, taking note of how to pronounce each syllable accurately.

Ten gives him a nudge, a small gesture telling him he’s doing alright. He looks across him and finds Sicheng grinning, and he couldn't help but feel a sense of pride.

For the rest of the night, Jaehyun tries his best to understand the conversation– a few words here and there make sense to him, and he considers that maybe Mandarin isn’t that hard after all. That is, until Hendery and Yangyang start speaking too fast, possibly arguing over which food tasted better, that Jaehyun doesn’t bother keeping up.

This was probably how Sicheng felt when he first came to Korea, he thinks to himself.

Sicheng, he couldn’t help but notice, looks much more comfortable. His first language slips off his mouth at ease. He has never been this nonchalant before that it almost comforts Jaehyun, knowing he gets to see his best friend this way. The way his friends’ eyes glisten every time Sicheng tells them stories about his new life, the way they break into laughter at his punchlines, Jaehyun never once doubted it, but witnessing it, Sicheng truly is brighter than he lets on.

It doesn’t register to Jaehyun that he’s been smiling at Sicheng until Sicheng catches him staring. He furrows his brows curiously at Jaehyun, and Jaehyun just shakes his head, focusing on the platter of noodles that Yangyang offered him earlier.

"Jaehyun. Try this, it’s good," Hendery hesitantly urges him in his textbook Korean, pointing at the food variety.

"Thanks," Jaehyun digs into the food. “Not bad,” he adds, noting Hendery’s intonation.

"Hyung," Sicheng interrupts. He presses on the word, tilting his head at Hendery. "It’s Jaehyun  _ hyung _ . He’s older than you.”

Hendery sighs dramatically and looks at Jaehyun. “You see how bossy he gets?”

Jaehyun grins, and Sicheng clicks his tongue, standing up to shove Hendery playfully. He makes his way beside Jaehyun with a box of dumplings. Jaehyun notices the steam seeping through that he’s practically drooling by the sight of it.

“Try this,” Sicheng says, picking up a piece. Jaehyun opens up his mouth, and Sicheng feeds him. As soon as he takes a bite, Sicheng looks at him hopefully, waiting for his feedback.

Jaehyun takes his time to chew, slightly wincing at the burn on his tongue, but swallows it down and says, “I can see why you broke down when you left.”

Sicheng couldn’t help but laugh.

A little over an hour after, their friends have bid them a good night after helping clean up the mess and throw out all the boxes and used chopsticks.

Jaehyun stifles a yawn, climbing up the bed to claim the top bunk and crashing. By now, he’s already too exhausted to change out of his jeans.

He can already feel himself drift into sleep until he involuntarily squints from feeling the lights flick open under his eyes. 

“Oh, sorry,” Sicheng whispers quickly, footsteps creaking from the bathroom. “I didn’t know you were asleep already.”

Jaehyun grunts, stretching from his uncomfortable position and figures it’s a call to get down and get changed. “I was just resting my eyes,” he shakes his head. “Flying sucks.”

Sicheng chuckles at him. He’s changed into some loosely fitting duck-patterned pajamas now, and Jaehyun couldn’t help but smile at the cartoon.

“Cute,” Jaehyun mumbles, finally jumping down the top bunk to search through his backpack for some clothes to sleep in.

Sicheng looks down as if seeing it for the first time and turns red, hurriedly getting on his bed and hiding his legs under the sheets. "You should get some rest. Ten’s an early riser, and who knows where he’s going to drag us to tomorrow."

"I thought you said you planned this trip?" Jaehyun asks.

"I did. He scrapped most of them, though."

Jaehyun grins after successfully finding a pair of sweatpants. "I like Ten," he says, hooking the garment in his arm. "I like your friends, they’re fun people."

Sicheng finally lies down, getting himself underneath the blankets while he props his head up on his palm. He tilts his head at Jaehyun and pouts. "More than me?" 

"Of course not." Jaehyun snorts. "Why? Worried you'll get replaced?" He wiggles his eyebrows at him, leaning towards Sicheng's face teasingly until he gets pushed off.

"I'm worried your standards would get that low."

"Ah." Jaehyun clicks his tongue. "Someone's spiteful."

"Go get changed. I’m sleeping,” Sicheng says, words mumbling through the sheets as he brings them up over his head.

"Hey, Sicheng," he calls out before Sicheng could drift to sleep.

"Hm?"

"Thanks for bringing me here."

Sicheng pauses, pulling the blanket off his face. He looks over at Jaehyun, who’s already made it at the end of the room, hovering over the bathroom door. He throws him a close-mouthed smile, and it makes the apples of his cheeks more prominent.

"I wouldn't have spent this with anyone else,” Sicheng finally says before sinking his head back on the pillow.

-

Jaehyun wakes up to the sounds of thumping and loud foreign chit-chatting from outside the hallway. Sounds like two women arguing. Ten has mentioned last night that this hostel has a variety of tenants– ranging from students’ housing to tourists’ budget rooms, so experiencing this every waking morning shouldn’t come as a surprise to them.

He turns to look down, realizing Sicheng already has his bed made up and isn’t in the room with him. He glances at the wall clock: 7:15 AM.

The thing about winter mornings is that getting out of bed is physiologically a hard thing to do, so Jaehyun is already anticipating himself struggling to power through the desire of leaving indoors. He stretches and grunts over the cramped space of his bed, struggling to get down the upper bunk. Just as he’s about to reach for his phone charging by the bedside table, Sicheng walks in from the door.

“Hey! You’re awake!” he chirps. He looks like he’s in the same enthusiastic mood as he was in yesterday. “We’re at the lobby downstairs. I went for an early run to get some breakfast down the street, I didn’t want to wake you up, sorry.”

Jaehyun shakes his head quickly, getting up. “What’d you get?”

“Some steamed buns, egg tarts.” Sicheng shrugs. “Come down quick.”

Downstairs, he’s greeted by familiar faces, particularly Ten and Kun. Just before he could ask where the others were, Ten says the rest of them have jobs for the winter break. "I always stop by at Hendery's. He works at a coffee shop, and I get a free refill,” he tells Jaehyun.

“Jaehyun, come try this,” Kun says, laying out the boxes of street food. “Sicheng says you’re a heavy breakfast eater, so I picked out more than usual.”

Jaehyun lets out an amused smile. “Really?” Jaehyun looks back at Sicheng intently, telepathically asking what else he’s been telling them about him.

Sicheng waves him off, stuffing his face with an egg tart instead.

It’s safe to say that the weather outside is forgiving for December. At least with what Jaehyun is used to. Although being bundled up in three layers, Jaehyun doesn’t necessarily feel his back curling from the cold. Sicheng even offers him a scarf to warm his neck, but Jaehyun says he can manage.

They spend their day taking photos at touristy alleys filled with modern architecture that Jaehyun had to remind himself he’s in China and not Europe. They take their time trying out different street foods from the alleys, with Sicheng continually messing up his Mandarin as he orders the food. The street vendors would stare at him blankly, and it’s not like Jaehyun is of help either, so it’s always up to either Ten or Kun to do the talking. Ten even calls him “a stranger in his own land.”

_ “Ten’s more Chinese than you now, and he’s not even Chinese!” _ Kun laughs.

Sicheng whines.  _ “I come here once a year, cut me some slack.” _

_ “Dude, I’ve never even been to Seoul, but I can speak Korean.” _

They’re speaking in Mandarin, and Jaehyun picks up a few terms, piecing the words together to make sense. Majoring in English, he’s no stranger to the struggle of learning a language. But what he’s learned is that immersing yourself in the language instead of passively learning it is the best and most effective way to master it. So always in search of a silver lining, he considers this a learning experience rather than something to be uncomfortable with.

"It's busier compared to here. And colder." Jaehyun tells Kun in Korean. Here, however, the weather hasn't completely set yet, and although the breeze is cold, the heat from the sun, if any, balances it out.

"How are you liking Shanghai so far, Jaehyun?" Kun asks as they walk through the busy streets, careful not to bump through other tourists.

"This area kinda reminds me of France, actually."

“Did he say France?” Ten asks. He’s been busy scrolling through the pictures taken of him on his phone. When Sicheng nods at him, he smiles at Jaehyun in response. “That’s the Former French Concession for you. Very European-influenced, always busy, always filled with tourists. I've been here a million times, and I'm still not bored of it."

Kun nods. “People will fall in love with Shanghai. Regardless if they’re from here or not.”

Despite being locals having the right to complain, the way they talk about their city makes Jaehyun think so too.

It takes them a few more hours roaming around the city– both walking and catching the train to wherever Ten decided to take them. There’s so much to see that they barely even notice the time passing by. They went to a coffee shop and said hi to Hendery, (while Ten harasses him for his free refill), and messed around with Dejun (much to his unenthusiasm), who's handling a cash register at a local music shop.

Before they know it, the sun is already down. They decide to watch the view from The Bund, a waterfront area that overlooks the city’s most notable landmarks. Sicheng, after a successful bribe, manages to drag Kun with him to help him with their takeout food from a nearby restaurant. This leaves Ten and Jaehyun to look for a spot for the four of them to settle into.

At around this time, a lot of tourists are already crowding the railing to have their photos taken with the landscape. The two of them decide to sit by the steps instead, a few meters away from the crowd, but still good enough to catch sight of the view.

“This view never gets old,” Ten sighs contently, leaning against the cement. He stretches his arms and legs out like a cat, and Jaehyun couldn’t help but smile at how ridiculous he looks. When Ten sees him watching, he retracts his limbs. “So, what was that last night?”

“What was what?” Jaehyun furrows his brows.

Ten smirks at him and says, “You know.” When Jaehyun proceeds to look at him dumbfoundedly, he brings his hand up to Jaehyun’s face, pretending to hold an imaginary spoon and feeding him like a baby.  _ "You know." _

Jaehyun laughs, dodging Ten’s hand. “It’s just something we do. You know, as friends.”

“Right.  _ Friends.” _ Ten grins at him, mocking. “I'm not the only one speculating, you know? The others do too; they’re just too polite to ask. You can’t really blame them. The way Sicheng brings you up every time we get a chance to talk to him, his face– it just…” Ten raises his hands up to his face, opening his palms and gaping his mouth slightly. “He just lights up.”

“He brings you guys up a lot, too.”

Ten lifts his brows at him. “You know that's not what I mean.”

Jaehyun looks away and fixates his eyes on his fingernails instead. Of course, he knows what Ten means, but it doesn’t mean he wants to acknowledge it. To be fair, this isn’t the first time Jaehyun has been confronted about their relationship together, even their friends back in college couldn’t help but ask him. He’s always been insistent that they’re best friends– nothing more. Still, he couldn’t help but wonder how Sicheng addresses the situation if he’s the one getting cornered.

“You know, when he left, we were pretty broken. It was so sudden.” Ten’s voice softens, much different from what Jaehyun has been accustomed to, so he listens. “We just knew his parents were having a hard time with each other, but we didn’t exactly think it was that bad for him to move out of the country. One day we were out playing tag at a park, then the next is he’s already packing his bags.

“I was lucky enough to move here from Thailand at a really young age, so I was already speaking both English and Mandarin growing up. Even Kun isn’t forced to learn a second language, he’s just doing it for fun. I can’t even begin to imagine how tough it was for Sicheng, so... thank you. He really needed someone like you.”

Ten clasps Jaehyun’s shoulder, and all Jaehyun could do is nod. He knows it has always meant something to Sicheng, but he never knew it would mean this much to his friends.

Sicheng and Kun come back just in time when the sun is finally starting to set, carrying plastic bags filled with takeout boxes. They sit by the steps and eat their dinner despite the fog forming on their breaths. The light show from the skyscrapers across the river begins to light up, the Oriental Pearl Tower being an eye-catching purple landmark from where they’re situated. Jaehyun also notices the World Financial Center building, which Ten calls ‘the bottle opener’ tower.

As the night grew deeper, the people have started to disperse slowly, and the railing gets less crowded, so they start moving closer. Jaehyun’s view alone is spectacular. It reminds him of a postcard, but he knows no amount of pictures can do his eyes justice.

_ “People will fall in love with Shanghai. Regardless if they’re from here or not.” _ Kun’s words echo in his mind.

Suddenly, he hears someone snap a photo. He turns to look at Sicheng, who has his phone’s camera pointed at him. He furrows his brows, but before he could react, Sicheng shows him the shot. It’s a candid of his side profile, looking up at the skylights. The yellow lights loom over his face and cast a subtle effect, and to be honest, he doesn’t look half as bad.

“I’ll send it to your mom,” Sicheng grins.

“She’d want one of you, too.” 

With this, Jaehyun pulls out his own phone and puts his arm around Sicheng. He snaps a picture of them smiling, then another of them pulling a funny face, then another of them pinching each other’s cheek until Ten calls them over and offers to take a photo for them.

“I think you guys are forgetting what the photo is  _ actually _ for.” He throws an elaborate hand behind them and shakes his head at their selfies, which barely got any of the background. “Give me that,” he grumbles, snatching the phone off of Jaehyun’s hand.

“Ten ge, angle it well, please,” Sicheng says. He holds onto the bars behind him and leans, and Jaehyun does the same, tilting his head until they’re slightly touching his.

Ten flicks his eyes up from the phone quick enough for Sicheng not to notice, and from behind the screen, Jaehyun could tell Ten is holding back a smirk.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> i'd love to hear what you think of it so far! ٩(ˊᗜˋ*)  
> this is something i've been working on for over half a year now (omg???) and i'd consider it the passion project that's closest to my heart, so i'd appreciate it so much if you leave kudos and/or comments!
> 
> thank you for reading!
> 
> ps: hit me up on twt i will gladly scream with u about jaewin :~)
> 
> [twitter](http://twitter.com/dochidoii/) | [cc](http://curiouscat.me/dochidoii/)


	2. two

“Up, up, up!”

Jaehyun slowly cracks his eyes open when the bunk bed starts to shake. He turns to look down from above to see their friends burying themselves into a pile on top of Sicheng.

"Get out." Sicheng whines, hiding under his blanket as he tries to push Yangyang and Hendery away, both of which are laughing as they keep him pinned under their bodies. "Out!”

Hendery moves away dramatically and gasps, placing a hand on his chest. “I quit my job for you and this is how you treat me?” Yangyang laughs at the absurdity.

“You what?” Now it’s Sicheng who’s up, pushing the sheets away from his face. “Why would you quit?”

“Nah, it’s Saturday, you idiot. Hurry up and get dressed!”

Sicheng frowns and Hendery cackles at Sicheng’s irritated face. He turns to Jaehyun who’s rubbing his eyes awake, greeting him with a wave. “Good morning, handsome. Sorry to wake you, but we gotta get going.”

“Where are we going?”

“Downtown,” Yangyang answers. “It’s less crowded in the morning, so we’re headed there early.” He does a quick pat on Hendery's chest and quickly says, “Last one downstairs buys coffee for everyone!” before he gets on his feet to race him out the room.

“Jokes on you! I work at a coffee shop, I get a discount!" Hendery yells back, slamming the door shut behind him.

As soon as the racing footsteps are out of earshot, Sicheng flops his head back in his pillow and lets out a groan. “Those two are such an earful.”

“I’ve been told they’re just excited." Jaehyun smirks. He resists the urge to lie down again and jumps down from the top bunk to sit on Sicheng’s bed. 

Sicheng props himself up on an elbow, watching Jaehyun pull his luggage from the floor closer and sift through his clothes. He glances back quick enough to catch Sicheng smiling fondly– not at him, but at what he’s doing, so he tilts his head in question.

Sicheng snickers when he realizes he’s been caught. “You’re gonna freeze to death with what you’ve brought."

Jaehyun looks back at his open luggage, frowning to himself. “This is what I usually wear in winter, though.”

“Yeah, but there’s no central heating here,” Sicheng laughs, hoisting himself up. He sits down beside Jaehyun, pulling his own luggage and unzipping it to look for something to lend. He manages to find a comfortable-looking sweater and hands it over. “That’ll fit you."

Jaehyun inspects the clothing– a familiar-looking white sweater. As soon as it hits him, he grins to himself. "Hey, I gave this to you," he says. "On your birthday last year."

“Yeah, and it’s my favorite, so _don’t_ stain it.” He’s pointing a finger at Jaehyun as a taunt before he replaces it with a mischievous smile. “Dibs on the bathroom, though.”

It doesn’t take long for the two of them to get ready and meet their friends downstairs. As promised, Hendery holds out two steaming cups of coffee in both hands, offering them to Jaehyun and Sicheng as soon as they’ve gotten down. In an effort to warm his hands, Jaehyun spreads his palms out over the heat of the cup just before they begin to head on outside. 

As it turns out, Yangyang is the one in charge of today's itinerary. Jaehyun could tell prior to being informed, thanks to his overly-excited speedwalking.

He later finds out that Yangyang spends most of his summers in Germany, so on the bright side, he’s a fluent English speaker and can easily hold a conversation with Jaehyun. On the not-so-bright side, he’s spewing out about a hundred words a minute that even Jaehyun is struggling to pick up the pace.

Sicheng must’ve noticed because he snorts beside him, patting Jaehyun on his back. “Hey. It’s a vacation, not an exam,” he whispers.

Jaehyun wills himself to loosen up.

“Hey, remember that spot?” Sicheng asks.

Jaehyun follows their gaze at a wide park grass field. Trees with fallen leaves round the corner of empty benches. A few kids are running around the field, padded cozily in their winter vests and bonnets, while not too far from them are a few people practicing tai chi. 

"We used to have picnics there." Kun nods just as they start walking towards it. "Last year, it was actually supposed to be demolished for a hotel. You could _guess_ who was at the frontlines of the protest." He sways his head towards Ten’s direction, and Ten gleefully raises his hand before Jaehyun could gauge the question.

"I never would’ve allowed it.” Ten shakes his head. “They’re gonna have to bulldozed through me first before this place ever gets torn apart."

Yangyang blurts out a laugh from the front of the group. He stops in his tracks to wait for Ten, wrapping an arm around him. “Can you imagine this guy scaring off a fleet of land developers _and_ the local police?”

“Yeah, well it worked, didn't it?" Ten takes Yangyang’s arm off him and slightly twists it, sending the younger one wincing in pain. He cackles as Yangyang pulls his hand back, and before they know it, the two of them are already chasing each other around the park.

“Told you they’ve had too much coffee,” Dejun mumbles behind Hendery. Jaehyun smiles as he watches them speeding off, with Ten sprinting and dodging the kids on the field while Yangyang tails behind him, trying to grasp the hood of Ten’s jacket, but misses.

There’s faint music coming from the distance and Jaehyun looks over his shoulder, trying to find where it’s coming from. Not too far from them are a group of elderly people, gathered in the middle of the pavement. They’re paired up, dancing to Chinese music Jaehyun isn’t quite familiar with, but he grins at the sight of them swaying with each other in the middle of the park.

“Sicheng,” nudges Dejun. He nods his head at a middle-aged woman reaching her hand out towards him. “I think they're calling you."

“Me?”

Lucas grabs Sicheng by his shoulders, excitedly pointing at him to the stranger. "Auntie, he's a dancer!"

"Wait–"

Jaehyun glances at Sicheng, who looks just as caught-off-guard as he sounds. He's trying to escape himself from Lucas’ grasp, but before he could, Jaehyun grins, pushing him forward towards the circle. "Go,” he chuckles. Sicheng throws him an amused look but ultimately lets himself be dragged away for a dance.

His friends start cheering and wooing from the sidelines, hyping him up as he shyly dances along. Jaehyun laughs, seeing him try to spin around the woman's hand, even stooping down to reach her height. It looks adorable, seeing him have fun in the mix of the crowd. Jaehyun never gets to see much of him like this back home.

"C'mon!"

He feels a tug on his arm, and Lucas is pulling him in with the rest of them. Jaehyun hesitates for a second, and Lucas must’ve noticed because he grins at Jaehyun reassuringly, shaking his head.

“Hey, it's okay. C’mon.”

Before Jaehyun knows it, he's surrounded by a mix of strangers and friends, doing his best in following the footsteps of everyone around him. A lady beside him guides him, her feet wordlessly moving at a pace he can follow, and Jaehyun follows along, smiling back at her when he somewhat succeeds.

“You got it!” laughs Hendery just before he twirls himself outward of a stranger’s hand.

Jaehyun laughs back, shaking his head. “This is more of Sicheng’s area of expertise than mine.” 

“Doesn’t matter!” He hears Kun shout over the growing music. He too looks like he’s having the time of his life. “It’s one thing to love about here!”

Jaehyun looks around. Even Yangyang and Ten have decided to join in on the crowd, although the two of them look like they’re trying to step on each other’s shoes more than keep up with the dance. 

He catches Sicheng’s eyes from a short distance, grinning widely at him as he sways in the hands of a now different middle-aged lady, but somehow never breaking his gaze. Jaehyun throws him back a genuine smile. There’s something about this– being surrounded in this crowd, seeing everyone laugh and dance and be in an overflowing amount of euphoria, that Jaehyun couldn’t help but agree.

They’ve been out for the entire day now, and the afternoon is just about to set. After a big meal at a hotpot restaurant downtown, Yangyang wasted no time in getting everyone back up in their feet to continue with his itinerary. The only thing is, not everyone is as ecstatic to his plan as him.

“Yangyang, you’ve led us to a tourist trap!” Ten whines.

The two of them are in the front of the group, fighting over Yangyang’s itinerary on his phone. 

“What? What’s so wrong about that?”

“There’s a reason we’re guiding them as locals, and it’s to avoid the exact same place you’re leading us to right now!”

Turns out, Yangyang is taking them to the Sightseeing Tunnel by the Bund. It’s a convenient, but rather unnecessarily expensive way of crossing the river to get to the other side of the city, where all the skyscrapers and view decks are.

“It’s part of the experience!” Yangyang retorts. He looks over at Jaehyun and says, “Look. You’ve never been to Shanghai before, right?”

“I, uh… no.”

“Then you have to experience every bit it has to offer!”

“It’s a cart with lights that costs ten times as much as a ferry ticket across,” Ten deadpans. “That’s not an experience.”

“He’s right,” Lucas shrugs, hesitantly siding with Ten. “It’s like a five-minute acid trip.”

Suddenly, the rest of the group are speaking over the other in a mix of languages, agreeing and disagreeing. Jaehyun is quick to look back at Sicheng, the only person besides him who isn’t involved in the debate.

Jaehyun grits his teeth at him like they’ve been caught in the middle of a mess, but unlike him, Sicheng looks used to it. He only gives Jaehyun a sigh and a shrug, waiting for the group to come to an agreement.

“Okay, fine!” Yangyang cries. He lets out a deep sigh before eventually asking, “If I pay for everyone’s ticket, will you guys shut up?”

And just like that, Lucas clasps his hands excitedly. “Alright, let’s go!”

Sicheng and Jaehyun don’t miss a beat and look back at each other, keeping up with their telepathic communication. _‘Told you so,’_ Sicheng mouths. Then the two of them burst out laughing.

Their friends turn back to both of them, not bothering to hide the confusion on their faces.

They descend down an escalator to a tunnel that supposedly leads to the other end of the river. As soon as they make it down, Jaehyun realizes they weren’t kidding when they called it a tourist trap. Dozens of people are queued up for the counters, awaiting their turn to buy their own tickets for the underground experience. They stand in line for what feels like a full half-hour, and Jaehyun could already hear Ten muttering under his breath how he should’ve worn more comfortable shoes.

Once they get past that, they move ahead to where the carts are, and Ten exclaims, "Finally," only to be met by yet another line.

“You know, it would’ve been faster had we swam across,” Sicheng teases Yangyang, and the younger one sighs defeatedly.

While they wait in line, Jaehyun sticks behind Sicheng, leaning against the wall. He’s entertaining himself with a dubbed Avengers movie being shown on one of the screens. Sicheng turns to him, leaning his forehead on Jaehyun's shoulder and letting out a deep sigh. Jaehyun pats him on the head.

He looks around to see how the rest are doing: Dejun and Hendery are squatting down, saving up as much energy as they can while they wait, and Lucas tries his best to sit comfortably on the railing, despite repeatedly being told off by the employees roaming around not to. It’s no doubt that all of them are exhausted, they’ve been walking around the city all day.

When an empty pod finally stops, the crowd in front of them moves to get in. Once it reaches their group, the staff in front puts up three fingers, signalling three of them to get in. They look at each other for a moment before Kun shakes his head at her. “Ah, no. We’re a group of eight,” he explains. 

She shakes her head unremorsefully and says something back to him. Ten jumps in from behind to talk to her, and so does Sicheng, but she looks just as uninterested as she has been the first time.

Jaehyun wrinkles his brows, not entirely sure what's being said, but getting a hint at it. Hendery aids him only to confirm his hunches. “They won’t let us go in together. They’re trying to empty out the lines as much as they can.”

Ten looks behind them and notices the crowd seemingly getting impatient with the hold-up, so he pushes Kun and Sicheng forward. “Fine. The three of us are going ahead,” he tells Yangyang. “We’ll meet you at the exit, okay?”

“Wait, but…” Sicheng pauses, meeting Jaehyun’s eyes.

When Ten realizes he wants to stay behind for Jaehyun, he snorts. “Jesus, you’ll be separated for five minutes. Is that too much for you already?”

Before Sicheng could speak, Jaehyun feels a hand on his shoulder. "We'll keep him in safe hands, _ge._ I promise,” says Hendery reassuringly.

“I can handle myself,” Jaehyun laughs, nodding at Sicheng to go along. Hendery throws out a thumbs up for good measure.

Jaehyun doesn't deny he's not quick to warm up to people if there's no alcohol involved, but there's something about Sicheng's close-knit friends that makes him want to try and feel comfortable in. Almost homelike, in a sense.

“He’ll be fine. C’mon,” Kun reassures Sicheng, patting him on his back to get going.

Sicheng nods reluctantly and looks back at Hendery, lifting a finger to point back at him. "I'll take your word for it, okay?" he says.

Much to the employee’s relief, Sicheng finally lets himself be pulled inside the first pod with Ten and Kun. The rest of them wave them off and watch as the door shuts, waiting for the next cart to arrive. 

“Man,” Lucas sighs as soon as it leaves. “He wasn’t kidding when he said you two were inseparable.”

Jaehyun lets out a chuckle.

Kun mentioned a similar thing yesterday, with Sicheng letting him know how Jaehyun eats a heavy breakfast. He wonders how exactly his friends perceive him through Sicheng’s eyes.

Soon enough, the next cart arrives, and Jaehyun gets in with the rest of them. Dejun walks up first, finding a spot in the front window that gives him a clear view of the tunnel in front of them. 

When the door finally shuts, and the cart begins to move, Jaehyun stares ahead at the pitch-black tunnel. Slowly, the underground light show begins. Various colors fill up the darkness, and he hears faint aweing from the strangers they were enclosed with, even Yangyang, who’s probably been there a few times too many, but it’s almost adorable watching him gawk up the LED lights as if he’s seeing it for the first time.

“It’s not as bad as they make it out to be,” Dejun tells him, almost like he can read Jaehyun’s mind.

He nods, hesitantly testing out his Chinese. _“I think so too.”_

Dejun smiles back at him for answering in his language, but whether it be out of mockery or amusement, Jaehyun preferred not to know. He probably messed it up and accidentally said something vulgar instead. Just as he’s wholly eaten by his insecurity, Dejun reassures him, “Hey, not bad.” He looks up to think, tilting his head in question as he tries out his Korean. _“How about mine?_ ”

Jaehyun grins. “Impressive.”

Behind them, Hendery snickers, patting Dejun's arm. “Wait ‘til Winwin hears about this.”

Jaehyun knits his brows. “Winwin?”

“Sicheng’s pet name,” he says. “He never told you?” Jaehyun tries to dig into his brain if the nickname ever sounded familiar, but no bells are ringing. Ultimately, he shakes his head. “Huh," Hendery breathes out. "Surprised he didn’t bring it with him to Korea.”

“Why Winwin?” he asks. Not that he’s offended Sicheng never told him before. Maybe it's a piece of him he wanted to leave behind. Still, Jaehyun couldn’t help but want to find out a little more about his best friend, right when he thinks he couldn’t know so much anymore.

“It means sunlight,” Dejun answers for him.

He says it in a way that makes it sound obvious, like Sicheng being referenced to the sun couldn’t be any more perfect. And maybe he’s right.

Back home, Sicheng is a star in every single stage he’s put on. He moves in a way that effortlessly grabs anyone’s attention, mesmerizing them. But just like the sun, he doesn’t go past that. Once the lights go off, so is he: concealed, reserved. Kept to himself until the next time the spotlight shines on him.

It amazes Jaehyun how different a person he could be, how Sicheng could change from being modest to spellbinding in a matter of seconds. How he gets the privilege to see him in both ways that not a lot of people could.

“Sounds just like him,” Jaehyun finally says, meaning it.

“Doesn’t it?”

And he's glad there's a piece of Sicheng back home who thinks so too. 

“Hey! Guys, look!” Yangyang squeals, forcing them to look out the glass.

Suddenly, the LED lights shift its colors to mimic underwater, making it look like they’re inside a submarine. People around them lift their phones up to take some pictures. Jaehyun would too, if not for Yangyang already snapping some unwarranted shots of him on his phone.

“I’m posting these, if you don’t mind,” he grins.

Just as he’s about to show Jaehyun the photos, Lucas pulls Yangyang by the arm. “Hey, one of me here! Quick!” he says as he poses coolly in front of the glass, motioning him to hurry up. Yangyang is quick to abide, even angling some of the shots in an effort to make it look artistic.

Jaehyun turns to Dejun and Hendery, but with Hendery’s arm around Dejun, they too were busy snapping some selfies together. So instead, Jaehyun finds himself looking ahead, whipping his phone out of his pocket to take a photo of the scenery in front of him.

As soon as he puts it down, he sees the cart before them not too far from the distance.

He fixates his eyes on it until he notices someone leaning against the glass, facing theirs. Unmistakably, it’s Sicheng. When he realizes that Jaehyun caught his eye, he smiles back at him softly, and Jaehyun mindlessly does the same. Almost like it's a relief to see him.

When the first cart arrives at the exit, Sicheng is the first to break their eye contact, waiting for the people to clear out the pod before he makes his way out. Still, he doesn’t miss the chance to look back and wave at Jaehyun. And Jaehyun waves back.

Maybe Lucas was right. Maybe they really are inseparable.

The night draws in, and it’s chillier than any of them have ever expected. Despite being inside the building, Jaehyun freezes silently in his coat, hands in his pocket as they wait for Kun to buy their tickets for them. He doesn’t even know how he could’ve possibly lasted had Sicheng not offered him a sweater earlier today.

Jaehyun takes his hands out, rubbing them together as he tries to heat them up with friction. Sicheng notices and asks for them, reaching out to pull his hands up his mouth and huffing a warm breath.

He grins. “Your hands freeze so easily.”

It’s not an uncommon gesture. Sicheng knows that much of him already. As for Jaehyun, despite knowing the temperature is not as bad as back home, he surely underestimated how cold this place can still get.

He balls up his fists, testing out his muscles which were moments ago getting alarmingly numb. “Is it me or are they kinda turning blue?” he mutters after careful inspection.

Sicheng nods at him, taking note of his question. “I’ll buy you a heat pack on our way back.”

It really isn't what Jaehyun meant, and he doesn’t really like the idea of him sounding like a complete burden to this trip, but before he could refuse the offer, Kun is already running up to them from the ticket counter.

“Change of plans,” he shrugs. “Zero visibility. Viewing deck is closed tonight.”

Yangyang tails behind Kun with an apologetic look. “I’m sorry, guys.”

“Hey, don’t be. It’s fine,” Jaehyun says. He couldn’t help but feel bad for Yangyang, knowing how he probably spent a lot of time planning an itinerary for them today only to not have it work out the way he wants it to.

He watches as Sicheng pulls Yangyang by the neck, wrapping an arm around him as he messes with his hair. _“You did well, didi,”_ Sicheng mutters to him, silent enough for only them to hear. Jaehyun warms up to the sight of Yangyang cracking a proud smile.

“Hey, on the bright side, we saved up 160 Yuan,” Ten perks up. “Besides, I know a lot of cool places where we could view the skylines for _free.”_

“Let me guess,” Dejun asks flatly. “Does it involve breaking in through rooftops?”

“I’m pretty sure we could get arrested from that." Sicheng 

muses, and Ten grins at him cheekily, patting him in the stomach.

"That’s why it’s free.”

Eventually, the rest of them decided that maybe it’s best to pack it up and call it a day. After all, it’s been a fairly long one, and everyone’s energies were already drained (maybe except for Yangyang.) The rest of them, however, have already dozed off as soon as they collapsed on their beds.

“I almost forgot to give this to you,” Sicheng says on their way back to their room. He digs something out of his coat and hands it over to Jaehyun: a pack of hand warmers.

Jaehyun laughs as soon as he’s deciphered what it is. “You were serious?”

Sicheng smiles at him and nods, reaching his hand in his pocket again for the keys to their room. Jaehyun leans against the wall as he waits for Sicheng to unlock it, fiddling with the packet on his hands. Sicheng didn’t have to, but Jaehyun doesn’t deny that he’s more than excited to warm his hands up with these for the next few days.

"I feel kinda bad for Yangyang, but maybe it's a clearer night tomorrow,” he mumbles.

The door clicks open, and he watches Sicheng freeze before opening it. 

“About that…”

Jaehyun furrows his brows. "What's wrong?"

"What? Oh, no. Nothing. It's just…”

He opens the door for the both of them, getting inside just before he leans against it to shut it down. Jaehyun watches him scratch his head before he finally says:

“I was planning on inviting you over to my mom's house for dinner tomorrow. She lives an hour south of the city. A residential town. A lot quieter than here. But, I mean, only if you wanted to. It's totally fine if you're not up to it. I’ll only be gone for a few hours, and I can tell Ten to keep you company while I'm–"

"I’d love to come with you,” Jaehyun cuts him off, blurting it out like it’s the most obvious choice. Because it is.

“Wh– Really?”

“Why are you so surprised?” he laughs. “Unless you’re just inviting me out of courtesy and was expecting me to say no?”

“No, it’s just…” Sicheng shakes his head hurriedly. “I wasn’t sure if you were okay with it. There’s not much we could do there, so…”

“So? I’ll have you.”

Sicheng looks up at him by surprise. Truth be told, it slipped off his mouth before he could even decide what he was about to say, and he's just as stunned.

“You don’t mean that,” Sicheng murmurs.

The thing is... he kind of does.

-

“So when are you guys coming back?” asks Ten. He’s sitting on the edge of Sicheng’s bed, watching the two of them get ready to leave for the day.

Sicheng laughs. “We’ve been here for two days, and you miss us already? We haven’t even left yet.”

The trip is an hour of a train ride that leaves just before sundown. As it turns out, Sunday is the only day Sicheng’s mom isn’t at work, and they couldn’t bear to miss it if they wanted to catch her, so they’re getting ready as early as four in the afternoon.

“Two days isn’t enough!” Ten whines, pouting. “Let me know if you’re on your way back. I don’t have anyone else to bother since everyone has jobs, and Kun is impossible to talk to if he’s on his phone.”

“Here’s an idea,” Kun chimes. He’s lying down on the bed, not too far from Ten. “Why don’t _you_ get a job?”

Jaehyun glances to see him editing a video on his phone, seemingly a vlog, then watches as Ten grabs the pillow from Sicheng's bed. He forcefully shoves it down on Kun, hitting his face until it eventually turns into roughhousing between the two of them.

“We’ll be back maybe around midnight,” Sicheng says, in an effort to stop them. “You’d be asleep by then, so you don’t have to wait for us.”

“Come on, give him a break.” Kun gives Ten one last shove before he readjusts himself on the corner of the bed. “He sees his mom once a year.”

Before Ten could respond, Sicheng’s phone begins to ring. He fishes it out of his pocket and reads the caller ID. “Hey, it’s her!" he says, eyes lit up from excitement. He picks it up and presses the phone to his ear, excusing himself from them as he makes his way to the bathroom. Jaehyun catches him slip on a local dialect before he makes his way out.

“Jaehyun,” Kun calls as soon as Sicheng leaves the room. He turns to him, and Kun is wiggling his eyebrows. “Excited?”

“Should I be nervous?” he asks. It’s half-meant, but he’ll leave it for them to decide. “I’ve never met his mom before, but he’s told me a lot of nice things about her.”

“Nah, don’t sweat it. You'll love her. And her food." Now it’s Ten who speaks, reassurance in his voice.

He’s right. Jaehyun shouldn’t be nervous. It’s not like he’s obligated to make a good first impression to Sicheng’s family. Still, a part of him is convinced that he _wants_ her to like him. Maybe make her see that Sicheng has been well taken care of for the past ten years he’s been away.

“So what’s it like?” he asks, trying to dig in for some details of what he should expect.

Ten furrows his brows. “What is?” 

“His mom’s hometown? Outside the city?”

Ten and Kun give each other a quick glance before Kun slowly looks back and says, “Oh. We’ve... never actually been there.”

Now it’s Jaehyun who frowns. “Wait. What?”

“Yeah, we’ve never been there,” Ten agrees. “We never had a reason to. I mean, sure we occasionally message his mom and ask her how she’s doing. But it’s kind of an unwritten rule: he spends a day on his trip to meet her. Alone. He’s never asked any of us to come with him, and we’re not forcing him to either.”

Kun nods. “By the looks of it, you’re the first person he’s taking her to meet. At least in the past ten years, you are.”

Now this is where Jaehyun gets confused. Sicheng’s friends have obviously been a part of his life longer than Jaehyun has, and them never being to his mom’s hometown doesn’t seem to make sense to him. Why is Jaehyun the first one to meet her personally when she hasn’t seen Ten, Kun, or any of their friends in the past decade?

“Then why would he bring me?”

Ten smirks. “Why do you think?”

Jaehyun opens his mouth, but before he could get a word out, the bathroom door opens.

“She says bring an extra jacket because the weather keeps dropping. Our place is near the water, so expect something colder than this,” Sicheng says, trying to mask the enthusiasm in his voice. “Why was I here again? Oh, right, toothbrush,” he mumbles to himself before rushing back inside and shutting the door.

When Jaehyun turns back to catch his friends’ eyes, they’re already giving him a knowing smile. Jaehyun brushes it off and looks away.

-

The outskirts of the city are quieter. It isn’t as noisy and polluted as downtown, and Jaehyun could quite literally hear the wind gushing instead of car horns passive-aggressively arguing. When the sun has finally set, the streets are bright enough to be lit up with lamp posts but not so much as the city's lavishly decorative lights that fill up every alley. Being here, it almost feels lighthearted. Humbling, even.

When they get to their destination, they’re standing in front of a fairly small bungalow. Reasonable enough for someone living alone. Sicheng takes a deep breath before he rings the doorbell. He’s fidgeting and playing with the hem of his jacket, and Jaehyun could tell he’s nervous even though it’s his own mother’s home.

The door swings open, and a relatively short woman stands before them. She immediately opens her arms, and it doesn’t take a second before Sicheng tackles her with a warm hug, burying his face in the crook of her neck.

Jaehyun shadows behind him, slightly feeling the awkwardness of him tailing on something intimate once again. His thoughts don’t take off longer than that because as soon as she catches sight of him, her eyes immediately lit up. “You must be Jaehyun,” she beams in English. Perhaps Sicheng has already briefed her of his knowledge of the language.

Jaehyun smiles at her and nods. “Yes. It’s so nice to meet you.” He starts to tip his head for a slight bow, but before he could, she’s already pulling him in for a hug too. When she lets go, she turns to Sicheng and says something in their local dialect, and Sicheng says something back under his breath, almost as if he’s shyly dismissing her.

While Jaehyun is good enough to know the simplest form of Mandarin, the dialect differs a lot. Even if he were fluent, it wouldn’t have helped much. So every time he catches Sicheng slip into his mother tongue, Jaehyun always gets lost in a trance thinking just how different it is– like seeing a part of his best friend that he doesn’t fully understand.

She motions for them to get in, leading them to sit down on the living room couch. She turns to Sicheng and says something to him, but Sicheng insists something back. She quickly cuts him off, shaking her head at him as she seemingly starts scolding him in Chinese. After a few tosses, Sicheng eventually lets out a long sigh and nods, watching her scurry to a room.

“I offered to help her set up the table, but she didn’t want me to,” Sicheng explains shyly.

Jaehyun smirks, the thought of Sicheng being scolded by his own mother in front of him almost endearing to see. 

Eventually, the two of them strip off their layers of jackets, and Sicheng places them tidily on the hanger behind the front door.

The house looks much bigger inside– far more spacious than their rented apartment in the city. In the living room, Jaehyun notices a couple of picture frames hung on the wall, so he moves closer to inspect. The first one he notices is a portrait of a little boy in red, unmistakably Sicheng, with his chin resting on his folded hands while he does his signature close-lipped smile.

“Cute,” Jaehyun mindlessly gushes.

Sicheng sighs behind him, flatly saying, “I wonder who that could be.” He’s shaking his head as he pretends to snatch it off the wall.

“Is it Winwin?”

Sicheng pauses. He looks back at Jaehyun with a mix of surprise and amusement on his face. “How’d you know about that?”

Jaehyun crinkles his eyes at him as he smiles nonchalantly. “Your friends told me.”

“Winwin…” He chuckles, muttering the name under his breath as if he’s testing the syllables out. “I would’ve been eaten alive if I used that name in Korea, right? It’s stupid.”

Jaehyun shakes his head. “I like it.”

“How?”

“It’s you.”

Jaehyun says it without hesitation, and by instinct, Sicheng uses his hand to give him a shove. He most likely thinks that Jaehyun said that to mess with him, but honestly, Jaehyun had the least intentions of lying.

Sicheng doesn’t respond to that and is already pointing at the next picture frame. “Look,” he says, an effort to keep the topic of conversation away from him. “Me and my sister.”

Jaehyun follows his gaze. It’s a faded photograph of baby Sicheng in the arms of a teenage girl, with her looking like she’s struggling to carry him, and baby Sicheng laughing widely in the middle of clapping his hands together. 

Jaehyun has never met her before, but they’ve exchanged text messages maybe once or twice, whenever she would ask for footage of Sicheng’s dance recitals (since Sicheng is too embarrassed to send them himself.) As far as Jaehyun knows, when Sicheng moved with his father to Korea, she stayed with Sicheng’s mom, and that was the last time they saw each other too.

“She lives in New Zealand now, with her husband.”

“Right, I remember." Jaehyun nods. “You were very proud of letting me know you've finally become an uncle.”

“He’s four now!” Sicheng says in awe as if he had just remembered. “He’s one year away from his most crucial developmental stage, and he’s never even met me yet. Me! His favorite uncle.”

He knows Sicheng didn’t intend it to sound so disheartening, but beyond the joke, Jaehyun knows it’s deeply rooted in truth. He couldn’t even begin to imagine how cruel it must’ve been for Sicheng to be torn away from his sister like that. A helpless ten-year-old boy. And the fact that they still couldn’t make time to see each other after all those years.

It’s not something they have ever dove into before, even as close friends. Despite Sicheng always passing it off as something lighthearted, Jaehyun always treads lightly around it as if he’s on thin ice, still not entirely sure if he’s ever going to say the right thing or not. 

Sicheng must’ve noticed him growing quiet, so he nudges him on the arm. "She would’ve loved to meet you too, you know?”

Suddenly, Jaehyun recalls his conversation with Ten and Kun earlier, how they mentioned he’d be the first one Sicheng has ever taken with him back to his mother’s hometown. And now he’s here telling Jaehyun that his _sister_ would’ve also loved to meet him. It’s a default statement, right? Anyone would say it out of courtesy. It’s not supposed to mean anything.

Right?

Before he could decide, Sicheng’s mom is already calling for them to eat.

Sicheng and his mother catch up in between eating, and Jaehyun admits he becomes invisible to them for a while. Understandable when they only get to do this once a year.

They eventually start switching their conversation in Mandarin, but they were still speaking too fast for Jaehyun to understand, so he decides to indulge in the food instead.

When he starts noticing their conversation die down, Jaehyun looks up from the food. He turns to Sicheng in question and Sicheng clears his throat, mumbling, "She says you look good."

Jaehyun pauses. He tries to catch Sicheng's eyes, but they're already glued to his plate.

 _"Thank you,"_ he says, smiling shyly.

Now to be fair, Jaehyun knows a lot more Mandarin than a few basic phrases, but in front of Sicheng's mother, this seems to be the only word registered to him right now.

She gives him an endearing smile and proceeds to talk to Sicheng. Jaehyun assumes he's being addressed again judging by how she keeps glancing and tilting her head at him, and he can see Sicheng's ears visibly turning red with the strong desire to stop her from talking.

"Ma," Sicheng whines under his breath. She gives him a nod, gesturing him to relay her message. Sicheng takes a deep breath, facing him again as he chooses his words. "She says- she says she likes you. She's thankful that you were the first friend I made, and that you’re still here now, so she’s really glad that you came."

"Oh."

“You don’t have to say anything,” Sicheng adds quickly when he realizes Jaehyun is left stunned.

“No, I’m… I’m glad I came too.” He turns to her and says, " _Thank you._ Really, thank you."

Sicheng’s mother gives him a warm smile, nodding at him reassuringly. Jaehyun really did mean what he said, and even though it’s hard for them to communicate in a language they can both understand, he knew she got the message well.

She reaches out a hand across him, placing it carefully on top of his as she starts squeezing it. Like a mother would do to a son. In his peripheral, he catches Sicheng look back down on his food with a tight-knit smile.

Jaehyun thought about how different his life would be if he had grown up in a quiet neighborhood as this. Seoul is fast-paced, and so is Shanghai. He’s been to New York a few too many times that it’s starting to get boring– living long enough in a big city to know how to adapt. Know what to expect. He never thought he’d find comfort in not being in such a hurry all the time. Which is why he wasn't so against it when Sicheng’s mother insisted they stay the night.

It started as soon as dinner was done; when Jaehyun decided to help clean out all the dishes from the table. Sicheng’s mother waves at him adamantly to put them down, and figuring he doesn’t want to anger a woman he can’t understand, he abides.

She smiles pleasantly and motions him over to follow her to a room. Sicheng, who’s washing his hands in the sink, hears the commotion and quickly calls out from behind them. “Hey, ma,” he says, a hint of worry in his voice.

Jaehyun looks back at him and shrugs but politely follows her anyway. She leads him to a room where inside lies a ready-made bed, with a neatly folded blanket on top of a pillow.

Jaehyun manages to decipher Sicheng’s words. _“Ma. We’re not staying.”_

She looks back at him to shake her head and then ensues in a subtly heated discourse that Jaehyun knows Sicheng is trying his best to subdue. Jaehyun stands limply between them, adding two and two together. Sicheng doesn’t look like he’s about to win this discussion, and when his mother gives him one last pointed end of her sentence, Jaehyun might as well have guessed right.

“I’m really sorry,” Sicheng sighs, sitting on the floor as he searches through a small wooden wardrobe. “I know this wasn’t part of the plan. If I knew this was hers, then I could’ve told you to pack some clothes to sleep in.” He finds a worn-out looking shirt, probably two sizes too big for both of them, and hands it to Jaehyun behind him.

Jaehyun shrugs. “One night’s not gonna change anything.”

He’s sitting at the edge of the bed and reaches out to grab it. Luckily, it looks like Sicheng stores his spare clothes here for his annual visits. Jaehyun lifts his sweater off and quickly changes into the loose-fitting garment, cozying himself in its warmth. As soon as he pushes it over his head, he notices Sicheng grinning at him from the floor.

“What?”

Sicheng shakes his head, wiping the smile off his face to point his head at the door. “We’ll leave the first thing tomorrow. I can sleep on the couch.”

“Don’t be ridiculous, this bed’s big enough for both of us.”

Jaehyun turns to inspect the cushion he’s sitting on and realizes just how much of a lie that was: it’s a twin-sized bed that would need them sleeping as stiff as a board. That is, unless either of them would want to fall off of it in the middle of the night.

“Sideways. If we sleep sideways,” he corrects his statement.

Sicheng flickers his eyes to the bed, then to the wall. A smile tugs on his lips as if he just thought of an idea. “Or perpendicularly.” He stands up from the ground then walks up to it, fixating the pillow in the middle just before he lies down to face the window, legs dangling off the bed. He shifts his head to look at Jaehyun and pats the vacant side of the shared pillow. 

Jaehyun doesn’t think much of it, and rests beside him, moving into a comfortable position with his forearm under his head.

“Look,” Sicheng mutters. He’s nudging his head to point at the window, aiming towards the cloudless night sky.

Jaehyun follows his gaze and looks up at the stars.

“Whoa,” he breathes out.

The sight is incredible. From the brightest to faintest, thousands of stars litter the skies. Jaehyun couldn’t help but gape. The last time he’s seen this plenty of stars was at such a young age; at a nameless beach he couldn’t even remember where. But what he does remember was looking up for so long that by the time he placed his head down, his neck was already stiff.

It was beautiful, there was no other way to describe it. Priceless in a way that a 160-Yuan view deck could never amount to, and he’s re-experiencing all of that again now: inside a bungalow, lying down on a twin-sized bed and half a pillowcase. The feeling is above and beyond.

“You were right,” Sicheng mumbles, almost a whisper. Like if his voice would be any louder, the stars would go away. “It did get clearer today.”

“And we never had to spend a single cent.”

“Nor risk getting arrested for trespassing,” Sicheng laughs softly, recalling Ten’s Plan B. “I get this view once every year, if I’m lucky. The last two years, it was too cloudy for me to see anything.”

Jaehyun shifts his head to turn to him. “Guess you’re lucky this year,” he mutters, smiling to himself. The thought of Sicheng hoping to see stars every time he’s here makes a part of Jaehyun’s heart swell.

“Guess you’re my luck,” Sicheng says, looking back at him. He grins when he cuts his gaze to look back out the window. “Hey, do you know how to spot constellations?”

Jaehyun shakes his head lightly, not even sure if Sicheng saw, but he goes on anyway.

“Well, you start by identifying the obvious ones, like the Big Dipper or Orion, then you work your way through that. Like, for the Big Dipper, you follow the arc to Arcturus, then keep following it to Spica. Then from Spica, you’d find Virgo…”

And in that moment, Jaehyun feels it laid out in front of him. When only half of his body is lying on a bed, with nothing but the moon to illuminate them from the window. When he’s looking at his best friend, half-listening to him ramble on about constellations and cosmos and not understand a thing of what he’s talking about. When he’d still choose this moment over anything… that’s when he realizes it:

Jaehyun is in love with Sicheng.

“Were you listening to any of that?”

He doesn’t even recognize he’s been staring until Sicheng asks. Still, he doesn’t let go of his gaze and instead shakes his head softly. “Not really, no,” he admits. Technically not a lie. Jaehyun was just too busy having an epiphany that he’s fallen for him. 

Sicheng laughs. “We should catch some sleep,” he mumbles, hoisting himself up the bed, and Jaehyun does the same. “I’m gonna go get changed.”

He watches Sicheng walk up to the wardrobe, grabbing the first piece of clothing he could find before he leaves for the bathroom outside. When Jaehyun is finally left alone, he sinks back into the pillow. His own words from earlier that night vividly echoing in his mind: _“One night’s not gonna change anything.”_

"Shit."

If only he knew how wrong he’d be. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> oh, jaehyun. cupid has struck you at the most convenient time <3
> 
> kudos and/or comments are very much appreciated, and i always love reading them (⊃ ‿⊂)
> 
> [twitter](http://twitter.com/dochidoii/) | [cc](http://curiouscat.me/dochidoii/)


	3. three

Jaehyun has been having a hard time sleeping tonight. Sure, he's had his restless nights, but none of them ever had to deal with the crisis of realizing that he's fallen for his best friend of ten years. It also doesn't help how right now, he's sharing a pillow _with_ said best friend of ten years.

Although his eyes are closed, he studies the pattern of Sicheng snoring softly beside him. He hears a gruntle and some shuffling, and Jaehyun opens them slightly to see Sicheng tossing in his sleep, facing Jaehyun as he curls in a fetal position.

Then, when Sicheng slowly starts scooting closer, Jaehyun swears he could feel a chill running down his spine. It shouldn't be weird. Just how many times have they slept in the same bed together before when they had been too wasted to go home from one of Taeil's house parties? How many times have they been too close for people to raise a few eyebrows at them? This was practically nothing.

But Jaehyun knows this isn’t nothing.

He knows it isn't nothing when all he could think of right now is just how their faces are literally inches away from each other that he could feel Sicheng's breath hitting his cheeks.

Ten years. Ten years and all it took Jaehyun was a trip to Sicheng's home to make him see things in a different light.

The thing is, it's not like Jaehyun just decided to wake up one day thinking he would fall in love with Sicheng by nightfall. Maybe it’s always been there, lingering in the back of his mind until he was ready to admit it to himself. Every brush of their hands, every arm on their shoulder, every wordless interaction where nothing but their eyes would speak: none of them were laced with lust. But Jaehyun doesn’t deny that all of those were genuinely out of affection.

Maybe it’s always been leading up to this.

Maybe he’s always been slowly falling in love with Sicheng, only he never really understood until now.

Jaehyun turns to face the ceiling and shuts his eyes again. It’s getting late.

-

As promised, the two of them are bound to leave as early as the sun rose. Despite his mother’s attempts of coaxing them to stay a little longer, Sicheng wins this round of the mother-son discourse. Besides, in a few hours from now, she's on her way to work as well.

Still, before they left, she makes sure to wrap Sicheng in her arms tightly, even reminding him to pass off her hugs to the rest of their friends back in the city. Jaehyun might’ve even caught her giving a nag or two, about Sicheng letting his hair grow too long, and how he should cut it more often– which he then responds to with a disheartened “Yes, ma.”

Honestly speaking, Sicheng likes having a thick head of hair, so Jaehyun doubts he’d actually do it.

 _Honestly_ speaking, Jaehyun kind of likes it too.

Just as soon as they’ve said their goodbyes, Jaehyun gives his thanks to Sicheng’s mother for the welcoming stay. She reaches out to grab Jaehyun’s palms, squeezing them like she did the first time and says, “Come back next year, okay?”

Jaehyun chuckles, not entirely sure if she was joking or not, but still, he nods. She gives him one last pat on the shoulder before finally sending them off for the train back to the city.

Judging how he had been up all night having an internal meltdown, the weariness only starts to consume Jaehyun on the train. He's seated beside the window, so he props his palm on the ledge and presses on it, using it as a makeshift pillow. But something couldn’t keep him still, as if he could feel someone’s eyes on him. Sure enough, as soon as he peeks one eye open, Sicheng is squinting at him, eyes narrowed with a worried look on his face.

Jaehyun laughs under his breath, not bothering to move. “What?”

When Sicheng realizes he's been caught, he shifts to lean back on his seat, but still not bothering to take his eyes off of Jaehyun. “Did you get a good sleep last night?”

Jaehyun nods nonchalantly. “It was okay,” he lies. He doesn’t want it to sound like he regrets offering the bed for the both of them last night. Of course, he doesn’t. But this time, it’s different. This time, he feels something way more than just platonic. Only he’s not sure if he’s ready to tell Sicheng that.

Sicheng smirks. Oblivious as he is towards Jaehyun’s dilemma, he knows him well enough not to believe it in its entirety. Thankfully for Jaehyun, he doesn't ask why and instead says, “We can stay home for today if you want. Sleep all day.”

Home. Home sounds nice.

Jaehyun smiles and nods one last time, all before his eyelids get heavy, and he’s fast asleep.

-

Jaehyun has been here for almost a week. Five days to be exact. Classes resume in five more, and it’s not long before they head back home and face reality again. But this time, it worries him that he’d start acting weird when they finally do. 

But Jaehyun doesn’t _want_ it to be weird. Why would he? It’s his best friend. They’ve shared almost every secret together, the same bed together, hell, apparently right now, even the same plate together.

After successfully ordering their takeout that night, they’re back to eating on the floor of their apartment. Initially, the plan was to head out to a restaurant, but given that the weather was significantly turning worse, they decided to stay in instead. This then leads to their current situation: when the delivery guy accidentally puts in seven paper plates instead of eight, and Sicheng swoops in to say that they can share instead.

Jaehyun feels like the world is conspiring against him.

They sit on the floor in silence together, and Jaehyun stays awfully quiet, deep in his thoughts. While the rest of their friends are speaking over the other– a conversation (err, friendly argument) he doesn’t mind not being able to keep up with, Sicheng nudges him once. Subtle enough for any of them to notice over the ongoing debate.

Jaehyun looks up from their shared plate, and Sicheng is chewing on his food, staring at him: a silent question to ask if he’s alright. Jaehyun nods, this time becoming aware of how their shoulders are pressing against each other. He takes a bite on a piece of chicken and places his elbow down the table, slightly scooting away until their shoulders disconnect.

-

Jaehyun wakes up to the sound of the coffee brewing from the kitchen sink. He cracks his eyes open and blinks up at the ceiling, studying a worn-out shade of off-white. He hears a door creaking open, and he peeks down from his bed to see Sicheng yawning in his pajamas, shutting the lights off the bathroom before he closes the door.

Jaehyun moves to sit, grunting as he stretches his limbs, and Sicheng glances up at him. “Oh, hey. You’re up,” he smiles, morning voice hoarse. He twists to the direction of the kitchen and asks, “You want some coffee?”

Jaehyun nods. “Please,” he says, jumping down as he lands on the floor with a soft thud.

Just as Sicheng is turning the coffee maker off, they hear distant footsteps from outside gradually getting louder, and they glance at each other in confusion. Before either of them could react, the door swings open without warning, and it’s Ten. He’s panting, which Jaehyun could only assume is due to the fact he ran up four flights of stairs to get to them.

“Guys,” he heaves, body leaning on the door for stability. “Quick, grab your coats. You have to see this.” He doesn’t wait for them and instead shuts the door as he runs back out, calling for Hendery’s name to bring his jacket for him.

Jaehyun furrows his brows at Sicheng for answers, but Sicheng only gives him an innocent shrug. They decide to skip the coffee and grab their jackets from behind the door, putting it on as they make their way downstairs.

Neither of them are really in a rush to find out what’s waiting for them downstairs, but once they do get down, Sicheng momentarily lands a beat. “Holy shit,” he mutters under his breath.

Jaehyun turns back to him, and his pace quickens from the bottom of the stairs until he’s bursting out the entrance, running out to the empty streets. Jaehyun runs after him until he catches sight of some familiar white patches splayed out on the ground, and that’s when he realizes what it is.

“Snow?” he whispers, almost to himself.

He steps out in a daze and watches as the snowflakes lightly fall down in the open. He sees the other tenants, ages ranging from children to adults, basking out in the streets on a wintry morning. 

“Isn’t it amazing?” Ten glees, parts of his hair now matted white. “The last one was eight years ago. Can you believe it?”

Behind Ten, he catches sight of Lucas and Dejun, already balling up fistfuls of snow from the ground and pelting the back of Ten’s head by surprise. Ten freezes in place, but after taking one long breath from his nose, he stoops down to gear one for himself. Lucas and Dejun are already running away before he could hit them back. 

“Come back here, you little gremlins!” he yells, chasing after them.

Jaehyun laughs at the sight of them running, with Ten accidentally plowing a decent-sized snowball right on Kun’s face when the two used him as a makeshift shield. Now it's Ten who's retreating when Kun’s balling up a snowball twice as big.

Then, someone interrupts Jaehyun by tugging at his sleeve. He turns to look at Sicheng beaming at him, and pulls him to a spot just outside the building, under a roof where they could take shelter in. Jaehyun lets him lead the way, and they take cover.

Sicheng shakes off his head, dusts of snowflakes falling off his hair, and then he turns to face Jaehyun. "Hey."

"Hm?"

“What are you hiding from me?”

Jaehyun swears he could feel a pitfall in his stomach. He slowly looks back at him, surprised. "W-what?”

“First the stars, now the snow,” Sicheng points out. He reaches out to a spot where the roof doesn’t shield and lets the particles land softly on his open palm. He rubs them together until they dissolve damp, and innocently, he shakes his head at Jaehyun. “How are you summoning nature?” he chuckles.

Jaehyun blinks at him a few times before he lets out a shaky breath disguised as a laugh.

Honestly, if the question had meant what Jaehyun thought it did, he wouldn't know how to respond. He was never put in a situation like this before; much has he ever been in a serious relationship with anyone.

Sure, he's been with a few guys and girls before, but it's not like it happens often. Occasionally, he hooks up with acquaintances he's met at parties– making out at dodgy bathrooms, and at most, one-night stands (not that they happen often.) No labels, no needing to DTR. Just… things kids their age do.

He never once thought of the possibility of it with Sicheng. If anything, he's always the first person Jaehyun would talk to about it, ranging from, _'She was using way too much teeth, and when I told her that, she said my dick didn't look good anyway,'_ to _'This guy gets turned on by sucking noses, and that kinda freaked me out, so I bolted.'_

Sicheng is his best friend. His confidant. Nothing's weird around him. Nothing ever is.

But right now, as Sicheng is taking two steps closer to Jaehyun, eyes squinting to reach out and brush off the snowflakes on top of Jaehyun's hair, his breath is fogging near enough for Jaehyun to take in. His eyes flicker down to meet Jaehyun’s, and Jaehyun is searching, searching, searching… searching as to what it means — searching to see if it _even_ _means_ anything.

What does it mean?

Then Sicheng smiles, dusting off the remaining flecks of snow that settled on Jaehyun’s coat.

There it is again– the dip in Jaehyun’s stomach. It’s going to take some time getting used to, and Jaehyun’s not sure if he’s able to stop the flush on his face the next time Sicheng decides to catch him off-guard like this.

His hands scramble out of his pocket as they reach for his hood, covering his head before his reddening ears could betray him, then he looks away.

 _‘Why does it have to be Sicheng?’_ he asks himself. _‘Out of all the people, why does it have to be my best friend?’_

-

“We’re out of toothpaste.”

We.

It rolls off Sicheng’s tongue when he closes the bathroom door, and Jaehyun feels a familiar knot in his stomach– the one that he’s been actively trying to suppress all day long.

Is this what it feels like? Playing house with Sicheng, sharing domestic bliss? A glimpse of a perfectly established relationship?

“Oh.”

Jaehyun could only daydream.

He watches Sicheng pace the room, grabbing his wallet from the bedside table and reaching for his lightly damp jacket sprawled out on the bottom bunk. The same one he used outside in the snow. “It’s okay,” he says as he starts putting it on. “There’s a supermarket two blocks from here. I’ll be back in five minutes.”

“I’ll come with you.”

It’s a default response between the two of them, and most of the time, they’d let the other. But this time, Sicheng is shaking his head. “Stay. It’s okay. I know you’re trying to avoid the snow as much as you can, so…”

Technically not a lie. Before they went back up, the snow was already starting to pile up that Jaehyun could already feel his body shivering at the thought of stepping out on the streets.

“Besides,” Sicheng adds. “I don’t wanna be forced to amputate your hands when they get frostbitten.”

Jaehyun chuckles, but eventually, he nods.

Maybe all he needs is some time apart away from him anyway.

It seems to be the only affirmation Sicheng needed because then he starts zipping his jacket up and opening the door. “I’ll buy you a heat pack,” he says, just before shutting it.

Most of their friends have gone to work for the weekday, so there really isn’t anything to do until they get back. Still, it isn’t much of a problem for Jaehyun given the continuously dropping temperature.

While Sicheng is gone, Jaehyun finds himself roaming the halls on the fourth floor. Within each closed door, he pictures a story– a routine of a stranger’s daily life. What are the odds that there’s someone out there stuck in the same feeling as he is now? If there ever is, then maybe he’d feel less alone.

Being in Shanghai makes Jaehyun feels like he’s stuck in a dream. A dream he never wants to wake up from. It’s this thing– pining after someone, that makes him feel like he’d keep wanting to come back to this feeling, even though he’s not sure if it’s going to be reciprocated.

It’s a dream when his feet are leading him to what he recalls is Ten and Hendery’s room, just a few doors away from theirs, and then, he’s knocking before he could turn back.

_“Who is it?”_

“It’s, uh, Jaehyun,” he answers back, hoping it’s what Ten was asking in Chinese. Hoping it's _actually_ Ten, to begin with.

The worry dies almost instantly when the voice inside switches to English, and with an enthusiastic tone, tells him, “Oh. Come in!”

Jaehyun opens the door warily, peeking to find Ten, with his glasses on, sitting on the living room floor. In front of him is the same table they have in their room, except instead of styrofoam boxes, what are scattered are a bunch of modules written in Korean. Jaehyun pieces things together and concludes that Ten’s studying Korean.

He grins when Jaehyun notices what he’s up to. “Can’t let Kun beat me to it.” He pats on the vacant spot across the table with the end of his pencil, inviting him to sit down. “So,” he starts, pushing his glasses back as soon as Jaehyun settles himself down. “What brings you here, handsome?”

Jaehyun chuckles at the flattery but shakes it aside. “Sicheng took off. We– _he,”_ quickly correcting himself, “ran out of toothpaste, so he went to the store.”

Ten snorts. “And here I thought you two were having some _alone_ time.”

Jaehyun glances down at the table and seals his lips. Of course, Ten meant it as a joke. But somehow, it’s less humorous now knowing how a part of Jaehyun actually _wants_ it to be true.

Ten seems to catch his troubled face because the teasing smile shifts into a look of concern. “Everything okay?” he asks slowly.

Jaehyun knows he won’t last long keeping this to himself. He certainly can’t tell Sicheng, but maybe Ten becoming an outlet isn’t as bad as it seems. It’s not like Ten is expecting any less from him, either. Ten wants them to work out. Him and Sicheng. Ever since they first met, his first question was to ask about their relationship. After all, that’s what Jaehyun wants as well– for them to work out. So it makes sense, right?

Hesitantly, he allows himself to address it.

“Hey, Ten."

“Yeah?”

The feeling isn't going away anytime soon– this Jaehyun knows. It’s either Sicheng’s feelings are mutual or not. And if Jaehyun wants to accept his fate, then he might as well consider this his first stepping stone.

“I have something to tell you.”

-

“We’re going out.”

Ten barges in on their room, already dressed in his outerwear to battle the cold outside. The snow has intermittently stopped for the evening, but it's no reassurance that it won't be back in a few hours, so he’s bundled up anyway.

“Tonight?” Sicheng frowns.

“Tonight,” he nods firmly. “I already called in the rest, and they’re down for a drink, so whether you like it or not, it’s happening.”

Sicheng turns to Jaehyun, his face hesitant. “Do _you_ want to go out?”

“Yes, he does,” Ten answers for him, not allowing Jaehyun to speak. He gives Jaehyun a pressing look, and Jaehyun knows this is all part of Ten’s plan.

Ultimately, Jaehyun shrugs, trying to sound nonchalant at best. “I don’t see what’s wrong."

Ten flashes him a smile before he completely wipes it off his face, so as not to look too excited. “Layer up and let’s meet downstairs in fifteen minutes.”

After Jaehyun confessed to Ten about his feelings for Sicheng earlier, he wasn’t expecting there would be a call to action so soon. As soon as he said it, Ten was leaping and squealing from his seat to wrap Jaehyun’s neck in his arms (unfortunately, almost to a chokehold) and give him a big, wet kiss on the cheek.

He watched as Ten scrambled for his phone charging on the other end of the wall, running his fingers through the keys as fast as he could. “I have the perfect plan for this,” he said with yet the widest grin Jaehyun had ever seen on him.

-

Shanghai is profoundly known for its party scene. It’s the first thing people ask about whenever they’re looking for recommendations for things to do in the city. The nightlife is simply at its best. Amazing in a way that underground clubs in New York and Miami couldn’t compare to. Sure it is. When the common demographic are around kids their age, night clubs are indispensable.

“While you guys were away, this guy who goes to my college invited me to a bar they usually go to,” Ten explains, bringing the rest of them up to speed. “There's a Christmas party tonight, so there's a lot of free drinks. We can’t get in without a ticket, but I asked him to pull some strings and put us on the guest list.”

Tonight is Ten’s impromptu plan. Although Jaehyun initially opposed _(“Look. I appreciate the help, but nothing good ever happens when you’re drunk.”)_ Ten convinces him that if he wanted to come forward, then it’s best for him to have a bit of alcohol in his system. Liquid courage, if you will.

Hendery tails excitedly from behind them, skipping like a puppy. “So we’re getting in for free?” 

Ten looks over and reaches to pinch his cheek. “Don’t get too excited.” He squeezes a little too hard that it sends Hendery wincing in pain, smacking Ten's hand off as he rubs at the sore spot on his face. “You’re the one with the weakest tolerance here.”

He scoffs. “Am not!”

“Really?” Lucas asks dryly.

He’s holding his phone out, facing it to Jaehyun’s direction before he presses play on a particularly old video from his gallery. Jaehyun watches as a clip of Hendery starts, comically drunk and herding people off of the dance floor while he proceeds to attempt (and fail) at a breakdance.

“What on earth is he doing?” Sicheng asks, mortified, as he watches the video from beside Jaehyun.

“Losing his dignity,” Dejun suggests.

Kun pulls Hendery to his side and says, “Listen. If you’re well aware you're getting drunk, just stop downing more alcohol. Alright? You’d be making it easier for the rest of us to drag you back home.”

He then proceeds to remind most of the younger ones to drink as much water as the liquor they consume, and Jaehyun could tell that the rest of them are passing on the PSA from one ear to the other, responding with pilot-mode nodding and different variations of yeses.

Jaehyun uses this opportunity to remind _himself_ not to get too drunk. Although he’s no stranger to drinking, and he’s admittedly not a lightweight (well, compared to some), it isn’t unusual for him to down two or three more drinks too many, especially if he's having a good time, so he has to keep himself in check for the night.

“We’re here!” Ten exclaims, a hint of excitement in his voice as he types on his phone in one hand, most likely texting his contact that they’ve made it to the venue.

They're being stopped by two large bouncers, and Ten discusses with them in Chinese, pointing at the group to let them know they’re together, and soon enough, they’re being led inside.

They walk into an already bustling evening inside the bar. Jaehyun looks at the crowd, and it seems like most of them are kids around their age. Ten told him beforehand that a lot of college folks hang out in this place, and although none of the locals celebrate Christmas, no one would choose to miss out on an opportunity to party.

“I have the drink stubs!” Ten announces over the blaring music, holding them out in his hand. “You guys go ahead and look for a vacant table.”

“I think I saw one by the left, near the stairs,” Kun tilts his head.

“Okay, good. Jaehyun and I will meet you there.”

Jaehyun glances at Ten and Ten only gives him a look as if to say _‘Just roll with it.’_ So he does. Sicheng meets his eyes and nods at him just before Ten drags Jaehyun along to the bar counter.

"Ready to confess your undying love?" Ten wiggles his brows at him as he pulls Jaehyun to one of the stools.

Jaehyun pretends to consider it, smoothing out the wrinkles of his sweater when he finally sits down. "Not in the right headspace yet," he admits.

To add to that, he isn’t even sure how he’d address it in the first place. How would he even start?

_Hey, Sicheng. I know we’ve been best friends for an entire decade, but guess what? I’m actually in love with you, and even though we practically grew up together, that’s not weird at all because the important thing is, I don't have to keep it in anymore. So do you feel the same way or not?_

It isn’t that easy. The thought of letting Sicheng know of how he feels is a risk, a big one at that. He understands that when he does, things will forever change between their relationship. Permanently. Whether it be a good or bad one, well… that’s for him to find out on his own.

Maybe liquid courage isn't as bad as Ten suggested.

"Pregame," Ten says, offering him a filled-up shot glass he received from the bartender. Jaehyun takes it in one hand, and they down their shots together, which Ten responds to with a wince. “Jesus, that’s disgusting.”

The bartender heads back to them with two pitchers in hand: one in a gradient shade of yellow to orange and the other being colorless liquid. Ten slides him the latter and says, “That’s water. For the love of god, don’t forget to bring that. Otherwise, Hendery’s gonna have us kicked out by midnight.”

Jaehyun chuckles, holding the jug carefully in both hands. “Lead the way.”

They weave through the growing crowd until they make their way to the tables. Ten scans the room, squinting to look for their friends until Jaehyun catches sight of Lucas a few tables away, standing up as he waves both of his hands to grab their attention.

“Found them,” he says, tapping Ten’s shoulder.

Lucas waits for them to finally make their way, taking the pitcher off of Jaehyun’s hands as he places it safely in the middle of the table. Sicheng pats for Jaehyun to sit down beside him, and just as he’s about to, he notices a new face in their circle.

“Ah, Jaehyun. Meet Jungwoo.” Kun introduces. “Goes to the same class as Lucas.”

Jungwoo waves at him from beside Sicheng. He's neatly dressed in a dress shirt layered over a dark sweater, and he hurries over to the side to make more room for Sicheng and Jaehyun.

Jaehyun greets him a polite hello, and Jungwoo smiles back, nodding. “Hyung, you must be the guest they kept talking about all winter break,” he says in eloquent Korean.

Jaehyun tilts his head by surprise, and Sicheng beams as if he’s waiting to see how he'd react to figuring out Jungwoo is from Korea as well.

“International student,” Jungwoo explains, and Jaehyun opens his mouth to an _‘Ahhh’_ as if it was the most obvious answer. “You’d be surprised. There are lots of us on campus, actually.”

“Hang on. Where’s the rest of us?” Ten asks, sitting beside Lucas when he notices how some of them are missing: notably Hendery, Yangyang, and Dejun.

Lucas shrugs and waves to a general direction in the room. “They said they were gonna request a song, but now I think they just got caught up dancing.”

“But they haven’t even drank yet?”

Kun snickers, leaning back on his chair. “Well, you could imagine how bad it’ll be when they finally do.”

The evening goes by particularly tamer for the rest of them who stayed seated. For those who didn’t, every once in a while, the three– Hendery, Yangyang, and Dejun, would head to their table, drenched in sweat, to chug down a few cups before heading back to the dance floor. They’ve successfully managed to persuade Lucas out of his seat to party with them, with him almost knocking off the half-empty pitchers from the table when he stood up.

“Stop leeching off the drinks if you’re not going to refill them yourselves!” Ten scolds.

They end up giggling and running away just before Lucas lets out a quick “Sorry, ge!”

Kun grabs both pitchers from the table. “I’ll fill them up,” he offers, taking his open palm out to Ten. “Where’s the drink stub?”

Ten digs for one in his pocket and hands it over, and Kun is scooting out from the booth, excusing himself to refill their pitcher. "You're the best, Kun!" Ten shouts, looking back from his seat as soon as Kun starts walking towards the counter.

“I know!” he shouts back, not even turning to look.

Jaehyun doesn’t think he’s too drunk yet. Thankfully. He knows he still has a personal job to do; only he’s just finding the right time. Maybe when they’re alone.

He didn’t really think Jungwoo would be taking up much of the talking space, but regardless he’s definitely lovely– friendly in a way that makes Jaehyun comfortable enough to hold a conversation with him. Throughout the night, they've been small-talking about Seoul, also Jungwoo's hometown, and how he managed to persuade his parents to study abroad for college.

"I'm actually spending my summer in Seoul this year. We should meet up and go grab lunch!" Jungwoo suggests, and Jaehyun is more than delighted to agree.

"Hey!" Sicheng fake pouts, making him look like a baby. "How come you're inviting him before me?"

Jaehyun doesn't even realize he's been staring until Sicheng looks over at him. Suddenly, he's fumbling on where else to land his eyes, hoping to god he doesn't look like a fool.

"You two come in a package deal, though!"

Ten smirks. "He's right."

He looks behind him to check if Kun is on his way back, but it seems like he got caught up in the line by the counter. As he’s looking out in the crowd, his eyes grow wide, and then he’s lifting one hand and shouting, “Oh, hey! Hey!” He turns back to them and says, “Wait here,” before he sprints off, drowning in the sea of people.

Jaehyun looks over at Sicheng and Jungwoo, the last two remaining on the table with him, and they shrug, looking just as confused as he is.

It doesn’t take long for Ten to come back, but this time, he’s dragging along someone new by the wrist. “Jaehyun, Jaehyun!” he calls out. “This is Doyoung." He pulls him like a rag doll and hooks his arm by his waist like he’s Ten’s token prize. "Goes to class with me and Kun. Got in this club the same way we did.”

Doyoung scoffs as soon as Ten says it. “Hey, that’s not true!" He pulls away from his grip and adds, "Unlike some of us, I paid to get in here.”

Doyoung is wearing a denim jacket over a hoodie, pieces of his jet-black hair already sticking in his forehead from the sweat. For a party that’s lasting this long, Jaehyun would say he’s quite underdressed, but he looks cool enough to carry himself well.

Jungwoo turns to Jaehyun excitedly and adds, “He’s a Korean exchange student too.”

Doyoung spins his head to their direction, finding whoever Jungwoo was addressing. When his eyes land on Jaehyun, he gives him a big grin and asks, “You’re an exchange student?”

“Oh, no, no.” Jaehyun shakes his head quickly and nudges his towards Sicheng's direction. “I came here with him.”

“It’s been a while, hyung,” Sicheng greets when Doyoung meets his eyes.

“Oh, Sicheng! That’s cool! Hi!” Doyoung greets back genuinely. He turns to look for an empty chair and finds one from the table next to them. _“Hi. Is this seat taken? No? Ah, thank you,” he_ speaks in fairly impressive Chinese. Not long after that, he’s finally pulling a chair to their side and sitting down on it. "Well," with an elaborate gesture, he sails his hands dramatically across the room and says, “Welcome to Shanghai.”

Sicheng snorts in his cup. “He’s been here for a week already.”

“Sicheng, I see you once a year, and you still forget to let me know when you’ve landed. Is it because you’re a superstar now?” Sicheng fake gags at the compliment, and Doyoung grins, looking pleased with himself. He turns to Jaehyun again and asks, “Jaehyun, right?”

"That's right."

Ten nudges Doyoung, tilting his head towards Jaehyun. “Remember Sicheng’s ad? Jaehyun was the one who sent those videos of his recital. ”

Just as Doyoung is about to say something back, suddenly, the crowd on the floor gradually turns louder, chanting out something indecipherable.

They turn their heads to see what the commotion is, and Jaehyun swears he could hear Ten mutter under his breath, “Oh, god. Please don’t be Hendery, please don’t be Hendery, please don’t be Hendery–” only for them to finally get a glimpse to see that it _is,_ in fact, Hendery. “Ah, shit.”

He’s once again in the middle of the crowd, busting out various Fortnite dance moves while their friends Lucas, Yangyang, and Dejun are gathered around in the sidelines, hyping him up. 

"Go, Hendery! Go, Hendery! Go, Hendery!"

Sure enough, strangers from the crowd are following along the cheers, some even whipping their phones out to film the scene. He does look viral-worthy.

"God, I hate babysitting.” Ten stands up from his seat, figuring he needs to interfere. “You guys stay here. I’ll try to tame the boys down.”

“Do you need any help?” Doyoung suggests, already halfway standing up before Ten pushes him by the shoulder to sit.

“No, it’s fine. I can handle it," he reassures, making his way to their friends.

They watch as Ten joins in on the crowd, grabbing their friends' attention to pull Hendery out of there, but the boys must've mistaken it for thinking that Ten wants to join, so now they're also pulling him in the dance floor.

"Go, Ten! Go, Ten! Go, Ten!"

The four of them burst out laughing at the scene, letting out guttural noises as if they're watching a slapstick comedy. Sicheng starts off slapping Jaehyun's knee, but by the time the giggles die out, he doesn't move it away.

And as if that isn’t enough, he leans in towards Jaehyun’s ear. "Look at Hendery," he says, nudging his head for Jaehyun to follow his eyes. "He's just gone."

They watch him grab Ten by the arms and spin him around. Doyoung lets out a deep sigh, shaking his head. “May he survive the hangover tomorrow brings.”

"Should we go and save him?" asks Jaehyun, but Jungwoo only shakes his head at him reassuringly.

"Kun ge will take care of it, I'm sure."

Both Sicheng and Doyoung nod, and even Jaehyun knows how true that is. He hasn't been here for long, but he can already tell Kun is nothing less than the foundation of their group, the glue that keeps them from falling apart. Picking up wasted friends would be a piece of cake for him.

As the crowd starts getting momentum, the view from their seats slowly gets blocked, so they turn their attention back to their current circle.

Jaehyun remembers how Doyoung was about to address something to him a few minutes ago, and he seems to recall as well. “So, as I was saying," he chuckles. He tilts his head to point at both him and Sicheng. "How long have you two known each other?”

Jaehyun shares a look with Sicheng, pretending to estimate so as not to seem like he’s been counting the days. “When we were eleven? Twelve?” Sicheng nods, nonchalant.

Then, Jungwoo gasps, gushing beside Sicheng. "Oh! Childhood lovers! How sweet is that?"

There’s a beat of pause, and Jaehyun feels Sicheng’s hand leave his leg, lifting it to wave vigorously at Jungwoo. "Oh, god, no!” he laughs. “No. We're just friends."

It hits Jaehyun hard, like a sucker punch in the gut he had clearly seen coming, but didn’t dodge from. 

"Oh my god. Shit, I am so sorry.” Jungwoos eyes widen at the revelation, and he’s putting both hands up in his jaw-dropped mouth. 

It isn’t the first time someone has had that same reaction as him, that’s not what matters to Jaehyun at all. What matters is that this is the first time he’s hearing it from Sicheng himself. Hearing him flat-out deny the possibility of them being together, like it just fills his mouth with distaste.

“We’re just friends,” Sicheng says again, more insistent this time.

Has it always been like this? Jaehyun isn’t one to act untainted– whenever he’s asked the question, he’d say the same thing. Just as he did the first time with Ten. But Jaehyun carried a bit of hope with his. A bit of hope that he’s not entirely telling the truth. It never felt as pointed as to how Sicheng had answered. 

“Yeah,” Jaehyun manages to choke the words out.

“This is so embarrassing. Lucas is such an asshole, that’s what he told me. I'm really sorry."

Doyoung is clapping his hands together as he winces in secondhand embarrassment. "God, Jungwoo. You truly are as gullible as they say."

“No, really! It’s what Lucas said to me! I’m going to beat him, I swear.”

Then as Doyoung is breathlessly laughing and Jungwoo is turning red from needing to explain his side, Jaehyun feels Sicheng placing his hand back on his knee, right where he left them before he refuted.

But this time, Jaehyun instinctively moves his leg away.

He chooses to ignore how Sicheng's hand slowly falls off and lands on the couch; then he’s slightly moving it away, back to his own lap. He chooses to force out a laugh, accompanying Doyoung, and doesn’t dare glance to find out how Sicheng had reacted.

All he knows is that Sicheng doesn’t feel the same.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> it has begun :D i hereby accept full responsibility for all forms of aggression towards me in the comments section
> 
> [twitter](http://twitter.com/dochidoii/) | [cc](http://curiouscat.me/dochidoii/)


	4. four

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> "In the eye of a hurricane, there is quiet."  
> – LMM

Like any other day that comes after getting drunk, Jaehyun woke up with a bad hangover today. Well, at least not as bad as their Hendery’s. They spent the morning chugging down a bottle of Pocari Sweat while simultaneously trying to help him up on his feet. Hendery, at this very moment, is headfirst in the toilet, vomiting out last night’s enjoyment. All the while with Jaehyun trying to maintain a fair distance between him and Sicheng.

Jaehyun can’t blame him if he doesn’t feel the same way. That’s definitely not his place. If anything, he’s relieved Sicheng made it clear before he could ever get the chance to humiliate himself.

A confession. The thought of it now makes Jaehyun laugh. How pathetic was it of him to expect the same from Sicheng?

“I warned you,” Ten sighs, except he’s looking more amused than irritated. He’s sitting on the bathroom floor beside Hendery, aiming the bidet and spraying it at his face as soon as he looks up. Hendery coughs, flinging the hose away, and Ten lets out a giggle.

He drops his head back in the toilet and out echoes a whine. “I’m never drinking again.”

“You say that everytime, though.” Ten snorts. He reaches out for the hand towel hanging behind him on the wall, and hands it over. “Come on, what time is your shift today?”

“Nine?” Hendery narrows his eyes unsurely. “What time is it?”

“Five past eight.” Jaehyun is leaning against the door since the bathroom space being too cramped for him to get inside. None of them have had more than four hours of sleep yet and he’s resisting the urge to yawn.

“Right,” Ten mutters. “You have less than an hour to not look as shitfaced as you do. Now, give yourself a hot shower and get dressed. I don’t want to be the reason you’re late for today,” he hoists Hendery up on his feet, “or else you might stop giving me free refills.”

With that, a smile cracks out of Hendery, and Ten gives him one last pat on the shoulder as he leads himself out of the bathroom with Jaehyun. As soon as the door shuts, he lets out an exaggerated sigh of relief and smiles when Jaehyun chuckles at him.

“What?”

“Just never considered you as the caring type.”

Ten scoffs in fake mockery. “Excuse me, Jung Jaehyun? I’ll have you know this has always been my role in situations like these.”

He nods, impressed. “I witnessed it firsthand.”

They turn the corner to make their way back to Ten’s bedroom, and they find Sicheng laid out on the bottom bunk, dozing off lightly. He hears Ten coo beside him, turning the lights off before quietly asking, “So, how did it go?”

Jaehyun looks at him before turning down to his shoes and shaking his head.

Ten sighs, but eventually, he nods. “It’s okay, he’s not going anywhere. Maybe you'll be ready some other time.”

He gives Jaehyun a soft rub on his back, and Jaehyun considers that maybe Ten is reading this wrong. He wants to let him know that it’s not because of _that_ – him not finding a chance. It's because he already knows how much this could potentially ruin their friendship. 

No matter how much his feelings are bursting out of him, Jaehyun could choose to ignore them. Repress them, if he can. It’s bound to suck, but hey, at least he doesn’t have to agonizingly keep pining over his best friend. 

“Let him rest. I’ll go check up on Dejun in their room. Kun’s most likely needing a hand.”

When the door shuts, Sicheng stirs in his position, groaning as he stretches and cracks an eye open. “I fell asleep for a minute there,” he mumbles, muffling his yawn in one hand.

Jaehyun nods from near the door and Sicheng scoots to the far end of the bed, wordlessly inviting him in. There it is again, his unintentional affection. The one he saves only for Jaehyun. And it’s making Jaehyun’s heart swell knowing it doesn't mean, knowing it can _never_ mean what he wants it to.

He starts walking over, but instead of heading towards the small bed with him, Jaehyun hovers over the table across, half-sitting on it.

“Hey,” Sicheng calls. “I know it’s not snowing or anything, but is it okay if we stay in today? I mean, I don’t want you to feel like we’ve been wasting your trip–"

"It's fine," Jaehyun cuts him off. He doesn’t want Sicheng to feel like he owes him an explanation. "How's your hangover?"

"I've seen better days."

He chuckles. Sicheng has always been a lightweight when it comes to drinking, so it isn't exactly his first choice for a hangout. Still, he chooses to accompany Jaehyun to every single one of their college parties. Even if it meant downing beer that tastes like piss. Even if it meant buying Jaehyun two liters of Pocari Sweat from the nearest convenience store to help cure his hangover. Even if it meant suffering the next day for rehearsals.

Sicheng would do all that because that's the kind of person he is: a good friend. Arguably, the greatest anyone could ever ask for.

A best friend, Jaehyun reminds himself. _His_ best friend.

Somehow stating that fact hurts now more than it ever did.

-

“Hey, will you be okay?” Ten asks him later that day.

It’s a Wednesday and most of their friends are gone now for work. Kun is already sound asleep in their room after they’ve successfully dragged Dejun out of bed, and Sicheng went back to sleep as soon as they ate steamed buns for brunch, so that leaves Jaehyun with Ten.

“Yeah. Why not?”

“I’ve been dying to sleep since this morning. Do you mind if I leave you on your own for a while?”

Okay, maybe that leaves Jaehyun with himself.

He shakes his head. “It’s no problem.”

“Thanks.” A look of relief washes over Ten’s face and it makes a part of Jaehyun guilty thinking he’s been a burden for this entire trip. “If you get hungry, you can always wake me up so I could order something for you. Okay?”

Jaehyun nods reluctantly, and Ten gives him a pointed look.

“Jaehyun. It wouldn’t be a bother. Wake me up if you need anything. Got it?”

“Got it,” he mumbles, watching as Ten softens and gets back inside their room, yawning just before he closes the door.

-

In his lone time, Jaehyun spends the day lying down in bed, scrolling through his phone while he browses through his photos. There are pictures of him and Sicheng from the airport lounge back home, with the two of them throwing peace signs as they wait to board the plane. Some shots are from the ones they took at the Bund’s night view, the underground tunnel, the train ride to Sicheng’s hometown, and even ones from last night’s occasion.

It’s crazy, Jaehyun thinks to himself, how fast the days have been going, while ironically anticipating how an hour-flight back home would feel like slowest hour of his life.

By late afternoon, none of his friends have woken up from their slumber, and Jaehyun doesn’t deny that he’s getting a bit impatient. It also doesn’t help how he’s starting to feel a low grumble on his stomach that he just wishes Ten would barge in this instant and drag him outside.

Although he did promise Jaehyun it wouldn’t be a bother to have him woken up, the thought of disrupting someone’s nap doesn’t sit well with Jaehyun. But figuring he was getting bored _and_ hungry, he decides to head on outside by himself to look for something to eat.

-

As soon as the automated doors to the bakery open for him, Jaehyun breathes in the tasteful smell of freshly-baked dough. The staff from the counter even look up to greet him, and he mutters back a response (hoping he got the tone right), and ventures inside to look around. He notices a few other people inside, one being an old couple filling up croissants in a basket, some are a few teenagers picking up sandwiches to eat on their walk home, but almost none of which are alone.

Jaehyun, for one, isn’t a stranger to being on his own. Although he does enjoy his fair share of getting intoxicated every once in a while, truth be told, he’d still prefer the quiet over the noise. He doesn’t deny that Sicheng has always been the perfect element to balance out that side of him. Maybe that’s why he can’t risk ruining a perfectly good friendship: somehow he doesn’t want to lose that balance.

"If you're gonna be having a staring contest with bread, just know you'll never win."

Jaehyun whips his head back to the familiar voice behind him and he sees Doyoung, grinning widely at him with the same hoodie he was wearing last night, except this time, his hair is unkempt, and his face is bare. Had he not been good with faces, Jaehyun would think it’s a completely different person, but still just as charming.

"Hey," Jaehyun mutters. "What are you doing here?"

"I should be asking you the same thing." Doyoung walks over beside him, reaching out to grab the bun wrapped in plastic from the rack Jaehyun had been absentmindedly staring at. He looks up at Jaehyun and asks, "Do you want one?"

Jaehyun shakes his head quickly. "No, I was just browsing. But thanks."

A smile slowly creeps over Doyoung's face when his eyes dart back and forth to the bread in his hands and at Jaehyun’s face. "That or you’re having a telepathic conversation with your siblings."

"Very funny," he deadpans, although there’s no real bite to it. He snatches it out of Doyoung's hands and casually glances to read the price tag. "I was just looking around. The apartment's two blocks away and everyone's staying in, curing their hangovers."

"Even Sicheng?"

"Knocked out the entire day."

"Poor guy.” Doyoung sighs.

Jaehyun doesn’t really know why he has to lie about his intentions about being hungry, and it seems to bite him back when he feels his stomach begin to betray him. Suddenly, it rumbles, not too loud, but enough for Doyoung to hear. Then there’s a slight pause between them and Doyoung’s eyes flicker down to Jaehyun’s stomach. He looks back up at Jaehyun, smirking when he realizes he had caught him red-handed in a lie.

"Just looking around, huh?"

Jaehyun sighs, already feeling a bit of flush on his cheeks. “Alright, you got me.”

To save himself from embarrassment, he reaches out to grab his wallet from his back pocket. Doyoung watches him do so, and tips his head, the teasing smile wiped off his face. "Let me buy it for you,” he insists one more time.

"I can pay for it, Doyoung."

"With what?” he asks. A genuine question. “The bakery's cashless and only accepts digital payments. WeChat Pay, AliPay… you have any of those?"

Jaehyun pauses and he turns around to find the small signboard of the logo at the cashier front, signifying that Doyoung isn’t lying.

“Uhh…”

Maybe he really should’ve just woken Ten up.

"Look,” Doyoung says, cutting him off before he could get another shot of embarrassing himself. “If you're not gonna let me buy it for you, at least have a real meal. I was actually on my way to dinner, but I noticed someone familiar from outside. Then, I realized it was you. Spacing out. In a bakery.” 

Jaehyun chuckles at the last remark, and Doyoung cracks a small smile when he notices him loosen up.

“Do you want to come with me instead?"

If he weren’t so hungry, then Jaehyun would’ve toughened his shell and respectfully declined, but at this point, however, there’s nothing he could do but lower his pride. So he nods. "Fine."

Having actual dinner sounds a lot better than devouring a piece of bread in minutes anyway.

Doyoung nods back, tilting his head towards the direction of the lot. "Should we head back to your apartment first? I don't want them to think you got abducted or anything."

Jaehyun turns to look at the street outside. The sun is just about to set, and in a matter of a few minutes, the rest of their friends will be back home from their shifts.

He could choose to go with Doyoung for a few good reasons: for one, he’s not one to turn down a free meal in a cashless city. Second, he’s convinced he won’t be risking his safety for going out with Doyoung. From what he knows, he’s a pretty cool guy, and Ten vouched for him anyway. And third… maybe he just needs to get out of there. Even if just for a night.

"I can just text them.”

Doyoung turns to look back at him, suddenly reluctant from Jaehyun’s indifferent response. 

"What? It's fine,” he laughs, masking the intent of actually avoiding everyone back home. “I can handle myself. It’s not like I’m twelve."

It takes a while for Doyoung to contemplate, but eventually, he shrugs. It’s not like he can do much convincing anyway. “Alright, come on,” he says, just before he leads him outside.

-

“You’re _sure_ you texted them, right?”

“For the last time, I did.”

A lie, Jaehyun presses on for the nth time. At this point, he just doesn’t need Doyoung worrying about him, and so far no one’s looking for him anyway. Thankfully, Doyoung lets it go.

“Ten’s going to be holding a knife on my back for the entire semester if I return you with much as one scratch.”

Jaehyun chuckles at the overstatement. “I’ll try to come home in one piece then.”

Doyoung smiles at him and just as he looks away, Jaehyun sees his eyes suddenly light up in excitement. "Hey, have you been to that place?" he asks, and Jaehyun follows his line of vision. It’s a building not too far from where they’re walking, but it doesn’t seem familiar to Jaehyun, so he shakes his head. 

“I don’t think so.”

"Oh, god. Really? Where have they been taking you?” Doyoung asks in disbelief. “You see, it was established over a hundred and thirty years ago. You've tried souped dumplings before, right? Xiao long bao? Well, this place has the best ones in town. Literally everyone who lives here vouches for this place. Can never–"

"–have Chinese food as authentic,” Jaehyun finishes for him, remembering the first time Sicheng told him about it.

Doyoung pauses and looks back at him, impressed. "Yeah, that. Exactly that." He chuckles under his breath as they head straight to its direction. "I thought you said you've never been here?"

"Take out,” Jaehyun explains. “And Sicheng mentioned it in passing before."

"You're quite a good listener then, huh?"

Jaehyun doesn’t respond. Honestly, he’s never thought of it that way before, but somehow, it makes sense.

He wonders if maybe that's the reason he grew close with Sicheng– because Jaehyun was there when Sicheng needed someone to be patient with him. When he couldn’t remember the right word for something, Jaehyun would fill it in for him. When he’d get frustrated about mixing up his suffixes, Jaehyun would be there beside him, calmly reminding him which is which. When his hand was shaking the first time he performed in front of a crowd, Jaehyun was somewhere in the audience, trying to catch his eye and mouthing that it's alright.

Maybe he’s just as good as a best friend as he thinks Sicheng is for him.

-

Dining inside felt just as amazing as the time Jaehyun first tried the food, even better now that he’s got an empty stomach. Doyoung doesn’t seem to mind when he’s also busy devouring as much as him, all the while not running out of things to talk about. It doesn’t even cross his mind that they’ve already emptied half a dozen bamboo steamers until the waitress cleans the table out for them for the next set of their orders.

“I can split the bill with you,” Jaehyun offers.

Doyoung looks up at him and shakes his head quickly. “Don’t worry about it. I get a stipend from my scholarship that I have to exhaust by the end of this month. Consider this your help.” He grins at Jaehyun just as he opens the lid off a new bowl. 

While he watches Doyoung poke through the food, testing to see if it’s cooled down enough, his phone starts vibrating from the table. Both of them glance at it instinctively, and Jaehyun finds himself staring at Sicheng’s name on the screen before he decides on turning back to the food and grabbing another bite.

Doyoung blinks at him. “Aren’t you going to answer that?” 

He pretends not to hear the question and tries to avoid Doyoung’s piercing gaze, but it’s particularly hard when his phone screen wouldn’t stop blinking at him to be picked up.

He snatches it off and hovers it below the table, dropping the call to shoot back a quick text saying: _‘be back later. don’t wait up on me’_ and shuts it off just before he places it back beside his plate with the screen turned over.

He looks at Doyoung to see him staring at him, brows furrowed as he begins to carefully ask, “Is something wrong?” 

Jaehyun waves him off. “Yeah, it’s just… it’s nothing. Stuff at home. It's stupid, don't worry about it.”

Doyoung presses his lips together, not asking any further.

Jaehyun isn’t entirely lying. He knows it’s stupid, and he hates being like this. He hates not having a reason to be upset, just that _he is,_ and it just so happens to be Sicheng on the receiving end. Sicheng who probably has no clue why Jaehyun is being so passive. Who has no clue that Jaehyun has fallen hopelessly in love with him, but sees him no more past friendship.

Jaehyun could tell him, sure. _‘I like you.’_ It’s just three words after all.

But it isn’t that easy, is it?

A decade ago, Jaehyun could’ve talked to twelve-year-old Sicheng without them even needing to understand each other’s languages. They formed a bond that didn’t have to solely rely on words, and for the most part, it’s the strongest Jaehyun has ever had with anyone. He always knew how to talk to Sicheng because it came so effortlessly.

And for the first time in years, he doesn’t know how to.

There’s an itch. Somewhere deep in the back of his mind. Like it’s calling him to get out of this situation– to get away a little longer. He finds himself saying, “Hey,” and Doyoung looks up at him from across. “Do you have any plans for tomorrow?"

Doyoung scrunches his nose and knits his brows together. "...Not that I know of?"

"Think you can sneak us back in?”

By now, Doyoung is eyeing him carefully. “What do you mean?"

“The bar last night. You think you can sneak us back in?”

Doyoung widens his eyes at him. “Now?”

Jaehyun nods unhesitantly and Doyoung scoffs, leaning back on his seat. He notices him glancing down on his watch, and for a moment, Jaehyun could tell he's considering the offer too.

-

“So Ten wasn’t lying when he said you got in for free."

As expected, Doyoung has managed to get them inside. The place is looking a little less crazy as it was yesterday, most likely because it's only barely past 7PM. Nonetheless, the music still blares and the strobe lights still flicker. They weave their way through the growing crowd, and Jaehyun tails behind him.

“I didn’t see my night going down this route, honestly.” Doyoung laughs, shaking his head as he begins to look for a vacant space.

“Oh? What route were you going for?”

Jaehyun watches as Doyoung looks back at him with a sly smirk. “I wasn’t trying to get in your pants, if that’s what you’re thinking.”

“I never said that.”

“I said _thinking.”_

Now, it’s Jaehyun who has a chuckle when he notices Doyoung’s ears start to burn red. He knows he has a natural charm that’s completely fatal for boys and girls alike, and Doyoung, apparently, is not immune to it at all.

It doesn’t take long for them to find empty seats by the barside, and Doyoung drags Jaehyun along to claim them before someone else does.

“I really was going to have an innocent dinner on my own," he explains, shifting in a comfortable spot in the bar stool, “but _you_ never told me why you were alone."

The bartender comes up to them before Jaehyun could answer, and Doyoung converses in quick Mandarin, ordering their drinks for them. He waits for the bartender to nod along to whatever Doyoung just said and leave before he looks back at him, still trying to hide the narrative of his true intentions.

"I told you. Everyone was resting and I wasn't."

Jaehyun would say his voice was convincing enough, but somehow, Doyoung looks back at him and leans an arm on the counter, shooting him a slow, knowing smile. “Trouble in paradise?”

“I don’t know what you mean.”

He furrows his brows, still unconvinced. “Come on, Jaehyun,” he laughs. “I mean, why else would you be out for a drink, right? Not to mention how you’ve been avoiding Sicheng’s calls. I’m assuming it’s him, because who else would it be?”

He tilts his head at him when Jaehyun involuntarily makes a move to check his phone, like he’s making his point across.

“I don’t know if you’ve noticed, but you’ve been doing exactly _that–_ glancing at your phone every twenty minutes. Like you’re waiting to see what would happen next. Gauging for a reaction.”

Jaehyun stares at him, lips parted and shaking his head as he tries to come up with something. Anything, to prove to him that he’s wrong. Except Doyoung is smart, and he’s read exactly where Jaehyun is in his own damn book.

The bartender then arrives with his shaker and pours two glasses towards Doyoung, but leaves quick enough before Jaehyun could come up with a retort.

“So,” Doyoung starts, pulling one drink to himself and sliding the other slowly towards Jaehyun. “Checkmate?”

Jaehyun stares down at the glass in front of him, mumbling back a response. “Is it that obvious?”

Doyoung smiles, pleased. “I take it I’m right.” He grabs the drink and twirls it in his hand, watching the liquid slosh in circles just before he takes a quick sip. “I figured since last night. When Jungwoo thought you two were together. I mean, none of them ever said anything to me, but I’ll be honest with you, I thought so, too. It’s just that you two were literally glued together the entire night.” He starts waving a hand from side to side. “You were asking him if he was getting lightheaded, and he was asking you if you were comfortable.” Then he snaps his fingers, gasping as if he’s recalling something important. “You were letting him know if you needed to pee, for god’s sake!”

“That was being polite.”

“The point is,” Doyoung butts in again, then comes to a quick pause. He tilts his head to the other side and purses his lips. “Was that the answer you were expecting from him?”

Jaehyun doesn’t respond, eyes still fixed at the glass in front of him, waiting to be consumed.

No, no it wasn’t.

That was enough of an answer for Doyoung because he nods, sympathetic. “Maybe you should’ve said something, then.”

Jaehyun chuckles, shaking his head at the absurdity. “I can’t do that.”

“Why not?”

“Because we’re not anything more than that," he admits in defeat. Silent, but loud enough for the words to pierce through his own skin. He knows it sucks, but damn, saying it out loud hurts a different kind of hurt. "Look," he sighs."You're right. I wanted to come here so I could forget all that, so… If you don't mind, I'd really appreciate it if we–"

"I'm sorry," Doyoung cuts him off. "It wasn't my place. I'm sorry."

Jaehyun has to hand it to him, he does sound genuinely apologetic, so he nods, hoping the topic shifts to something far within its reach. Doyoung seems to be coming up with the same plan, because he looks around, as if trying to see what they could talk about instead.

“Hey, do you know the thing about toasting?” he asks as soon as he spots a group of friends not too far from them, clinking their martini glasses together. Jaehyun shakes his head. “Well, back in the medieval times, toasting was actually a trick to save someone from getting poisoned. You know how the drink sort of spills when you’re toasting? It was supposed to spill on each other’s cup so that any attempt in poisoning could lead to your death, too.”

Jaehyun studies his face, and if it weren’t obvious enough before, he comes to terms with the fact that Doyoung really is a booksmart person. “You’re smart, aren’t you?”

He watches Doyoung trying to hide a smile at the compliment, and shrugs nonchalantly. “It came in handy with the scholarship.”

When Doyoung fails to hide his grin, Jaehyun burts out a short laugh, and Doyoung ends up hiding the flush on his face under his glass as he drinks. Through that, both of them begin to loosen, and it isn’t long until they’ve jumped from one conversation to another.

They ended up talking all evening, never leaving their stools by the barside, and watch as the people around them come and go– some even joining them in for a toast.

Jaehyun admits he feels some sort of attraction towards Doyoung. He’s witty, clever, and apparently, he gets a lot more charming when he’s drunk and manages to successfully persuade the bartender in handing them over free drinks.

And he’s pretty, too.

The countless times he’s been hit on for the night attests to that, but Doyoung shrugs them off like he’s used to it, albeit still pursing his lips together in a frown when a few would insist on offering him a very suspicious drink.

At one point, Jaehyun even considers pretending to be his boyfriend, the thought of kissing Doyoung for strangers to leave him alone crosses his mind. It roots from the fact that they may have admittedly been drinking too much already, and when Jaehyun finds himself continuously glancing down at Doyoung’s lips, then maybe he just wants to get a taste of what it feels.

The words coming out of Doyoung’s mouth don’t even register to him anymore as they pass by from one ear to the other. He doesn’t seem to notice Jaehyun isn’t paying attention either because he’s still talking, but then Jaehyun slowly gets the courage to start leaning.

Leaning until Doyoung’s voice is slowly trailing down to a stop.

Leaning until he’s hovering his lips over Doyoung’s, planting a feathery kiss on top of it. And when Doyoung stays still, Jaehyun studies the look on his face. Doyoung’s eyes slightly grow big, but at the same time he’s not repulsing either.

So Jaehyun kisses him again, just as softly as he did the first time. 

“Jaehyun...” Doyoung whispers, but Jaehyun shakes his head.

He rests his hand on Doyoung’s cheek and hovers over his lips again, waiting for him to be the first to move in, and when Doyoung does take initiative in closing the gap, Jaehyun lets him, parting his lips slightly as he opens Doyoung’s mouth on his. 

Doyoung is kissing him back, reaching his hand out to run them over Jaehyun’s neck. His hands find the back of his head, burying them under his hair as he’s pulling him in closer. Jaehyun obliges and he shifts in his seat without breaking off.

The thing is, there are no sparks.

No matter how much he’s giving in, how urgent it’s turning, Jaehyun fails to find the familiar dip he feels when Sicheng much as grazes their hands together. And Jaehyun is helplessly trying to find the electric feel in Doyoung’s mouth, but he couldn’t.

Then Doyoung is sliding his hands down to Jaehyun’s chest, slightly pushing him back down on his seat to break off the kiss.

When Jaehyun lands back with a soft thud, his eyes flutter open and he watches as Doyoung tries to catch his breath, staring at him with questioning eyes. His chest heaves to breathe in the air he’s been missing out on, and with the back of his hand, he wipes the taste of Jaehyun on his lips.

“Jaehyun.”

He sees it in Doyoung's eyes– the realization hitting. Because he’s smart, and Doyoung knows what this is. He knows what Jaehyun is trying to do. So he opens up to speak.

“I think it’s time we get you home.”

-

Doyoung is the one who made the call. Jaehyun didn’t even bother stopping him because with the two of them intoxicated, how else is he going to get home? It’s not like he’d be in any less trouble for making it back with Doyoung’s help, much as on his own.

The moment he realizes he fucked up hits when they finally spot Sicheng and Ten hopping off the night bus, neither of which are looking too thrilled to find them sitting on the curb outside the street.

Doyoung nudges him on the shoulder before they could get too near. “Don’t do anything stupid,” he mutters just as he’s standing up to greet them. “Hey, guys.”

Ten walks over beside them. He’s shivering under his thick layer of outerwear, hugging both of his arms, but still manages to tease. “Jesus, Doyoung. You look like shit.” Doyoung gives him a punch on the arm.

Jaehyun stands up along with them, and gets the courage to glance at Sicheng looming behind Ten, and he doesn’t look like he’s in a bickering mood with any of them. Doyoung gets a glimpse of him too and the smile fades on his face to greet him carefully.

“Hey, Sicheng.”

Sicheng looks back at him and tips his head in a short bow. “Hyung, you should head home. It's getting late."

Doyoung assesses the situation, looking back at Jaehyun hesitantly, but nods. He exchanges a glance with Ten, tilting his head subtly to signal that they better get out of there fast.

Ten seems to get on board because he’s opening up to suggest, “Maybe… maybe I should walk him to his bus?"

“You know what?" Doyoung inputs, "That’s a great idea." He hooks his arm with Ten before Sicheng could even say anything, and as they make their way out of there, Jaehyun hears him say from the growing distance, “For once in your life, you finally have a great idea.” Now it’s Doyoung who gets punched in the arm.

They watch as the two walk away towards the bus stop, and when they couldn’t be within ear’s distance anymore, Jaehyun gets the first word out.

“Sicheng–”

"Don’t." The words come out of him almost instantly. Uncruel, but… broken. Like he doesn’t even want to hear it. He draws out a long breath. "What on earth were you thinking, Jaehyun?"

He sounds tired. He must be because Jaehyun has been missing for over six hours now. And to find out where he's been through someone else doesn't make it any better either.

He looks down on his feet and mutters under his breath, "I wasn't."

"You weren’t answering any of my calls, my texts. Jesus, you're not even wearing more than one layer right now. Aren’t you freezing? Where the hell have you been? The other guys were back home, literally searching every corner of the street for you. We were this close to filing a police report on you and for all I know you could’ve–"

"I hooked up with Doyoung.”

Truth be told, if it weren't for the alcohol then Jaehyun would've most likely kept it to himself. But that’s the thing about the drunken truth, right? You get to say things you don’t normally do when you’re sober. And tonight he's hoping for a reaction. Anything. Anything to prove that he should say what he’s about to. 

After all, Ten did say liquid courage is best, right?

He watches as Sicheng’s mouth hangs open mid-sentence, but the surprise that’s been mapped on his face is fading too quickly, and with a beat, he answers back, "Oh." Point blank. "Okay." 

"That's it?"

He seals his lips carefully, shaking his head. "I… I have a lot of things going on in my mind right now."

"Then say it, Sicheng. Fuck! I'm not a mindreader."

Sicheng frowns. "Hey, I'm not the one here who took off without even saying anything."

For a moment, Jaehyun thinks it’s about to be a full-blown fight between the two of them. It isn’t the first time they fought, and they’ve had their fair share of disagreements before, but it always resolves itself instantly. Exactly like how it's unfolding right now.

Sicheng's face is softening, and his voice turns into a whisper, choosing not to get in an argument. “It’s late, come on. You’ll freeze to death if we don’t get you home." He untangles the scarf around his neck, and swings it over Jaehyun. "Here,” he says. “‘Til we get back.”

Jaehyun stands still, watching him snug it fit around his neck. Sicheng glances down at his hands, lifting them up to his mouth so he could puff a breath, then he squeezes them to offer a bit of warmth.

He chuckles. "I told you I didn’t want to amputate you."

Jaehyun doesn't let go of his gaze, and it breaks him a little seeing him smile– how Sicheng brushes off his reckless act like it was a short mishap. Like he didn't want to acknowledge how everything Jaehyun has done today was to spite him, get a reaction out of him.

And under his breath, he couldn’t help but ask, “Why are you like this?”

Sicheng lets go of his hands, setting them down carefully. “You had me worried sick.”

“No, why are you like… _this.”_

It comes out as Jaehyun trying his best not to sound as frustrated as he is, so he fixes his eyes down on his hands– the ones Sicheng has been holding just moments ago.

If this is the drunken truth Ten wanted out of him, Jaehyun’s not so sure how well it’s about to turn out.

“You- you make me feel... like you really like me, but you don’t. You go around holding my hand, leaning on me, sleeping in the same bed as me, telling people I’m special to you, but it’s not that kind of special. Then you… you make it so hard. You’re so hard to read, Sicheng. It’s like- It’s like I don’t even know you. and it’s so unfair. It’s so fucking unfair.”

He gets the courage to look up at Sicheng, and when he feels his eyes start to well up, that’s when he realizes his voice is tainted with desperation.

“Do I even really know you?”

Sicheng is looking back at him, and what once was a look of weariness in his eyes is now painted with sadness. Hurt. Almost like he’s pitying Jaehyun for the sloppiest, ungrand-est drunken love declaration of all. Like he’s begging him to stop.

“Now we really have to get you home,” he mutters, reaching his hand out to hold onto Jaehyun’s arm, but Jaehyun steps back.

“Why?”

“Because you’re…” Sicheng waves at him as if it’s the most obvious thing, “drunk! You’re drunk, Jaehyun, and trust me, you’re not gonna want to remember any of this tomorrow.”

“Is that what you want?”

“Jaehyun…”

“You don’t want me to remember this tomorrow, do you?”

He watches Sicheng painstakingly, and if it’s true when they say that confessing to someone feels like a whole new wavelength of emotions bursting out of you, Jaehyun could definitely vouch for it. Except now, the euphoria he had been hoping for is nothing but… misery. And if Jaehyun was right about one thing, it’s that nothing good ever happens when you’re drunk.

Sicheng takes in a breath, and as always, very careful in choosing his words. “I just don’t want you saying things you might end up regretting.”

“Will I?”

Sicheng looks down on his feet, and when they hear the night bus blaring its horn from the distance, he swings his head up to find it stopping in the same area where they last saw Doyoung and Ten. 

He motions his head towards it, choosing not to answer Jaehyun’s question. “Let’s get you home, Jaehyun.”

Home. Jaehyun always thought home sounded so nice, but now it just sounds so cold.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> omg the next chapter is the last one but please believe when i say this all ends well. kudos and/or comments are much appreciated~
> 
> [twitter](http://twitter.com/dochidoii/) | [cc](http://curiouscat.me/dochidoii/)


	5. five

The morning that follows last night is complete hell.

Jaehyun wakes up to a pounding headache, rubbing the sides of his temples as he tries to suppress the pain. He tilts his head towards the window and expects to see the sun, only to find it missing. The skies look like it’s about to rain, and if Jaehyun hadn’t known any better, he’d think it’s past noon.

It dawns on him that he’s waking up on the bottom bunk, Sicheng’s bed, and he frowns trying to recall how passed out he was that he couldn’t bring himself to climb up his bed. Then all of a sudden, Ten is barging through the front door and marching towards him. His brows are knitted together and if Jaehyun is being honest, this is the most terrifying he’s ever seen him.

“Jaehyun, what the fuck was that all about?” He’s visibly annoyed as he stops right in front of him on the bed. “I took us to that party because I wanted you to work things out with Sicheng, not find a different guy to make out with. What is wrong with you?”

Jaehyun makes a sour face. It’s too early for a scolding, and he feels his head pounding harder to Ten’s shrill voice. It’s times like these where he couldn’t help but wish he’s waking up to the same two bottles of Pocari Sweat he usually does to in the mornings of a hangover, but obviously, he’s caused all of them too much trouble for the past 24 hours to be granted a request.

“Please stop shouting,” he groans, sinking his head back in bed as he presses on his forehead harder.

“How are you making this harder than it is? I thought you’d finally tell him by the end of the night. I didn’t–”

“You were wrong, okay?” Jaehyun blurts out. “He doesn’t see me like that. Not in the same way I do.” Although this isn’t the first time he’s saying it out loud, it sure hurts just as bad. “He said it himself. In front of _me_. You were wrong. We both were.” It pains him to bring back the memory of that night– of Sicheng blatantly refusing the idea of them, but Jaehyun knew he had to acknowledge that he and Ten had both miscalculated. “I’m his friend, Ten. There’s nothing more to it. Now please leave me alone.”

Ten pauses, speechless. And if Jaehyun is thinking right, maybe he looks a bit dejected, too. Jaehyun watches him peel his eyes away from him and Ten glances up, looking at what's above him. He opens his mouth as if to say something, and that’s when Jaehyun realizes it:

Sicheng is on the top bunk. On Jaehyun's bed.

Sicheng heard everything.

Ten seals his lips shut, and to the best of his ability, nods in acknowledgement. “I’ll be in my room when you’re okay,” he says, although Jaehyun couldn’t be sure which one of them he's referring to.

He watches Ten walking towards the door and carefully closing it shut, and Jaehyun sinks back on the pillow, staring at the wood of the top bunk above him.

If it’s true that Sicheng heard all of that, then he sure as hell is good at pretending not to. Jaehyun waits as he hopes for Sicheng to strike a conversation. His eyes pierce through the bedframe above him, thinking maybe if he gazes at it long enough, then Sicheng would say something. Let him know that Jaehyun stood corrected. That he was wrong.

But he doesn’t.

Jaehyun shuts his eyes and drowns in the silence, willing himself back to sleep.

-

He wakes up to find two bottles of Pocari Sweat beside the bed, and for a second there, Jaehyun thinks things are back to normal. Like the past few hours have been nothing but a horrible nightmare. But right now, it’s particularly hard to ignore that Sicheng is missing in the room.

Jaehyun’s head is still throbbing so he opens the lid on one bottle and chugs it down until it’s half-empty, hydrating himself with electrolytes just before he heads out to Ten’s room.

When Jaehyun creaks the door open, he hears Sicheng speaking in Chinese, most likely thinking it’s Ten walking in, so when he turns and sees it isn't, he stops mid-sentence and lets out an, “Oh.”

Jaehyun couldn’t help but notice the sudden shift from the enthusiasm in his voice.

“You’re up.”

Jaehyun nods, stepping inside as he shuts the door behind him. “Hey, uh. Thanks. For the sportsdrink.”

"You're welcome," Sicheng says back, although he doesn’t prolong the conversation. He’s sitting down on Ten’s bed and is staring at the phone in his hands that he’s now started to gain interest in. It’s never been this painfully dull between the two of them, and if it ever was this monotonous, it was barely in uncomfortable silence.

He starts to get up, placing the phone in his pocket, but before he could leave the room, Jaehyun stops him.

“Listen,” he starts.

Sicheng pauses. His face is expressionless, but he waits for Jaehyun to go on.

“Doyoung… Doyoung didn’t do anything. Please don’t take it out on him.”

Sicheng shakes his head slightly, eyes now avoiding to meet Jaehyun’s gaze as they land on his feet and he mutters under his breath. “I don’t.”

“I kissed him first.”

“I didn’t ask,” he snaps quickly, finally looking up at Jaehyun.

“Okay. I just... thought you should know–”

“Well, I didn’t.” Sicheng’s voice is growing more frustrated, and Jaehyun could only assume it’s the reason why he’s been trying to keep quiet. “I don’t care who you hook up with, Jaehyun. I mean, this isn’t the first time, obviously.”

“I’m just saying don’t be mad at _him_ . _”_

“Who says I’m mad?”

“You definitely sound mad right now.”

“Well, it's not my fault I'm so hard to read, right?” he asks dryly.

Now it’s Jaehyun who’s looking down on his feet. If there’s one thing he wishes he should’ve kept to himself last night, it was saying that about him. It isn’t until Jaehyun is sober does he realize how unfair that was– he wasn’t in a position to demand anything from Sicheng. But this is what he wanted, right? He wanted to provoke him all night long, and he finally got what he asked for.

In front of him, he hears Sicheng take in a deep breath. “What do you want me to say, Jaehyun?” he asks with the same weary voice he had since last night, and in a small voice, Jaehyun answers honestly:

“Just say you’re mad at me.”

He gets the courage to look up at him. Sicheng’s throat bobs, but he’s pursing his lips and shaking his head lightly. His eyes turn to glance at a backpack on the floor, and Jaehyun quickly recognizes it as the same bag he used to pack light when they visited his mom.

“I’m- I’m staying over at my mom’s place,” Sicheng says, confirming his suspicions. “I know the flight’s tomorrow night, but I can just meet you at the airport by noon. I already told Ten, and he said he’s going to take you there. He’s bringing the rest of my bags anyway, so…” His voice trails down to a stop, apologetic. “I wanted to stay with her for one more day, if that’s okay. I don’t think I could go back next year.”

“It’s fine,” Jaehyun says, voice almost a whisper as he peels off his eyes from Sicheng’s packed bags. “You don’t have to explain yourself, Sicheng. I get it.”

The stand in silence for a few agonizing seconds, but Jaehyun couldn’t bring it upon himself to strike a conversation.

Sicheng is staying with his mom, moving away from him before they could settle whatever this tension is between them. And frankly, Jaehyun has drained himself trying to figure it out himself.

He watches Sicheng pace for words. “Jaehyun,” he mutters. “Earlier today. About that thing with Ten…”

Jaehyun shakes his head. “Don’t worry about it.” He offers him a smile, and he just hopes it doesn’t look as obviously pained as he feels.

-

Sicheng insists on heading out on his own to the train station. Normally, he’s no match to Ten’s persuasion but it looks like he hasn’t been in a good mood ever since his last night, so Ten lets him win this one.

They don’t entirely avoid each other before Sicheng leaves, but Jaehyun stays quiet, thinking if he opens his mouth one more time, he risks saying the wrong things again.

“I’ll see you tomorrow,” Sicheng says. “Terminal 1.”

He nods. “Tell your mom I said hi.”

Sicheng wouldn’t probably want to talk about him to his mom anytime soon, but he says yes anyway. And just like that Jaehyun watches him walk away, wondering how exactly they ended up in a situation like this– with him wanting to finally get the words out of his chest, feeling the words getting caught up on the back of his throat, and before he could even find the courage to spill it in the air, it’s already too late because Sicheng is already too far within reach.

He knows something has changed in them, but both of them are too stubborn to acknowledge what they’re facing. It’s the growing elephant in the room, and he knows he should’ve said something, done something to stop it from ruining a decade-long friendship altogether, but Jaehyun has run out of time. So he takes it in. He swallows the words and saves them for a rainy day, even if it meant being stuck in a barren wasteland.

-

“Thought I’d find you here.”

Jaehyun has been sitting outside his balcony, and he turns his head to the sliding door to find Kun standing above him, enough to warm up the cold breeze he’s trying to freeze himself on. He scoots over and lets him sit beside him, so Kun does, bending his legs to rest his elbows on as they watch the growing sundown traffic from outside the street.

“Doyoung was asking about you. If you were okay.”

“Well,” Jaehyun sighs. “I’m not on death row yet.”

Kun chuckles, pretending to take on the offer. “You did give us quite a scare last night, though.”

Although there’s no threat in his voice, Jaehyun winces, embarrassed at how he gave everyone such a hard time. “I really didn’t mean to worry you, guys,” he mutters.

“Eh.” Kun shrugs. “You came back safely, that’s what matters.”

“I fucked up. Might as well head home on my own if that means we’d be avoiding each other for the entire flight.”

“Hey,” Kun says in a scolding voice. The same voice he uses when the others get too rowdy. “If there’s anything I know about Sicheng, it’s that he doesn’t hold grudges.”

And it’s true. Jaehyun knows that much about him as well.

Sicheng brushes off inconveniences on his shoulders like he doesn’t mind, like he’s used to it. And Jaehyun has always kept a promise to protect him from all of it. Shield him. Which is why he knows how grave his offenses were when this time, Sicheng has drawn the last straw.

“Look,” Kun interrupts his thoughts, realizing maybe how troubled he looks. “Sicheng’s hometown? It’s personal for him. But get this: he brought _you_ along. You. I mean, sure there wasn’t really any special occasion, it wasn’t Lunar New Year-special or anything, but out of everyone, Jaehyun,” Kun turns to him, “it’s you.”

It’s him. Out of everyone that holds close to Sicheng’s heart, he chose Jaehyun. And Kun isn't wrong about that.

“I hope you realize how much that means, Jaehyun. Not just to him, but to everyone.”

He starts to picture Sicheng: seated on the window seat of the train, staring out into the view as it shifts from city buildings to trees. Maybe he’s thinking about Jaehyun, too, coming up with plans on how they could mend things. Or maybe he just wants to get away and forget him. Jaehyun hopes it isn't the latter.

“We all do stupid mistakes when we start falling for someone.” Kun laughs softly and Jaehyun turns to him. He doesn’t bother telling him he’s wrong, because he’s not. Kun has been right all along. Jaehyun _has_ been stupid. And more so in love. He rests a hand on his shoulder, nudging him reassuringly. “I promise you it’s going to be okay.”

When the temperature starts to drop, the two of them decide to head back inside the room. They run into Ten, who looks just as surprised to catch them having a little heart-to-heart talk. “Well, well well. What do we have here?” he asks playfully, giving Kun a teeth-baring grin. 

Kun rolls his eyes, walking past Ten as Jaehyun locks eyes with him. 

Ten smiles at him fondly, and if Sicheng never holds any grudges, then it looks like neither does he. “Hey.” He’s speaking before Jaehyun could go on and apologize for what happened this morning. “I know what you’re about to say. You don’t have to beat yourself up for it, Jaehyun. You’ve had a long day.”

Jaehyun shrugs, hanging his head low in defeat. “So did everyone else,” he mumbles under his breath. Ten may be so quick to forgive him, but he’s not sure if he can say the same to himself.

Then he watches as Ten’s shoes step forward towards him and he’s hooking their arms together. “Let’s head out to the Bund,” he says– sweetly, playfully. “One last time before you leave for tomorrow.”

Jaehyun is surely going to miss them.

-

The city lights that encompass the waterfront are still as beautiful as the first time Jaehyun first witnessed it, albeit a little colder. He can feel his nose getting a bit red, and his hands are starting to numb again, but he sets it all aside if it meant savoring this view one last time.

The rest of their friends meet them there after work, and they spend their weekend night together as they watch the the tourists begin to crowd and the skyscrapers begin to light up. 

Jaehyun leans forward on the railing, seeing the ferries blink its lights as they head across the river. A young couple suddenly comes up to their group and starts speaking in French, holding out a camera to ask for a picture. Ten unhesitantly accepts it as he starts to lead them towards a good spot.

The others look unfazed. Maybe it happens often, Jaehyun guesses. Still, he turns around to see where Ten is taking them anyway.

Then he finds something else. 

Something that makes his stomach sink.

Because there in the distance, his eyes find Sicheng.

Sicheng, who left earlier today for his mother’s home. Who kept avoiding Jaehyun’s gaze just before he turned his back on him.

But now he’s there, standing in the sea of the people, and no matter how many tourists are passing by and bumping into him, he’s not letting go of Jaehyun’s eyes either.

Without much thought, Jaehyun finds himself slowly peeling away from the railing, and his feet start leading him towards Sicheng, not bothering to let the others know what he saw. 

He hears them call out his name, but he doesn’t turn back because he has so many questions, and they begin to pile more and more when he sees Sicheng, as urgent as he is, weaving his way through the crowd, trying to meet him halfway.

It doesn’t take long until they’re finally standing in front of each other, and Jaehyun could only describe it as something that feels like a click– like the last piece of a puzzle finding its way to fill in the empty space. 

And there he is– right in front of Jaehyun. Right when he thought the next time they’d meet is on a plane back home, barely speaking to each other.

It reminds him of the same spot they were in just yesterday: both of them miserable, tired, and Jaehyun prickling his eyes with tears he kept pushing back.

“You have to listen to me,” he blurts out. Now, Jaehyun can never be sure how this is going to turn out, but if there's one thing he's sure of, is that he has to let him know now. 

Sicheng was just about to open his mouth as well, and his eyes shift mildly in surprise, taken aback by his urgency, but he seals his lips shut and waits for Jaehyun to go on.

“I lied,” he starts. “When I told you I was coming with you to Shanghai for the winter break. I said it was because I was avoiding the weather–” he shakes his head, “I mean, it’s true but it’s not the sole reason I chose to go.”

Sicheng is eyeing him carefully, and for the first time in a while, Jaehyun feels like he can read what’s going on in his mind– almost like he’s hopeful for the next thing he’s about to say, so Jaehyun takes in a deep breath, right before he lets his heart take control of the situation.

“I wanted to spend time with you. Every single day that I don’t waste it with you it’s like- like I’m missing something. And it makes me feel so restless. Then I wondered if maybe it was you. Being with you, I don’t know if that makes sense, but it- it just feels right.

I insisted I’d go with you to Shanghai thinking all I ever wanted was to get a glimpse of your past, see the life that you left behind. But now, now I realize I wanted more than that. I wanted to be a part of your home, Sicheng.”

He shrugs, unapologetic as he lays out all his cards.

“All this time, I wanted to be a part of your home.”

Jaehyun lets out an exhale, and a fog escapes his mouth from his breathless confession. He watches as Sicheng starts to step closer towards him, not more than a few inches apart, then he pulls at one side of his sleeve to show Jaehyun a shiny, silver-plated bracelet.

Jaehyun looks down on it, trying not to distract himself from the warmth that’s encompassing them both, and he watches as Sicheng turns it over to reveal an engraved message on the surface: _be brave._

“They gave me this bracelet. The first day we got here,” he explains. “I didn’t show it to you because I wanted to keep it for myself. A personal reminder, you know?” He runs a thumb over the letters delicately, eyes still glued to it. “I never saw myself as anyone who was brave, but I realized I was in a lot of things: starting a new life, learning a new language, putting myself on a stage during a recital. All of that was horrifying, but I pushed through.” He slowly looks up at Jaehyun. “But there was one thing I couldn't find myself to be brave of.”

When he finally lets his wrist down, Jaehyun lifts his eyes up to meet his again.

“Confessing to you.”

Him? Confessing to him? 

“People think it’s so easy to say something, especially when it’s a language that isn’t their own. But the truth is, Jaehyun, I’ve been grasping for words. I didn’t know how to tell you, so I… I thought if I could show you instead, then maybe you’d realize. But everytime it gets there, I- I backpedal. I never wanted it to be weird, but at the same time I never wanted to make you feel like I didn’t want you either. But I do, Jaehyun. And… and…”

Sicheng sighs, wincing at how his words are falling to place, so he takes in one deep breath and spills out:

“And I swear I had a whole speech planned out, but you beat me to it, and I completely blanked so now I’m kinda just winging it, but fuck, Jaehyun, I like you.” He breathes it out in one go as if they were words he’s been holding in, and he says it again, surely this time. “More than a friend, I like you.”

Jaehyun blinks at him, mouth hanging open for a few good seconds before he’s breathing out a laugh. “You had a whole speech planned out?”

Sicheng squints harder, pressing a hand on his forehead as his cheeks begin to flush, but still, he smiles along with him. “Is that what amuses you out of everything I just said?”

There’s an undeniable grin on Jaehyun’s face, and he’s trying to find his own words, too. “Is... Is that why you’re here? I thought you…”

“I turned back.” Sicheng shakes his head. “I didn’t make it to my mom. I was maybe five stops away but I got off and took a train back. I went to the apartment and no one was there, then I figured this was the first place Ten would’ve taken you. I mean–” he shrugs, “–it’s his favorite.”

Jaehyun smiles, nodding to himself. “I think it’s starting to be mine, too.”

They start to hear faint giggling from the distance, and Sicheng squints, turning around to find their friends, huddled together against the railing as they lovingly look back to the both of them.

Jaehyun laughs, feeling his ears burning red when he realizes that they must’ve witnessed them confessing to each other. He turns back to Sicheng and asks, “Do they know?”

“That I came back? Nope.” He looks away from them and fixes his gaze back at Jaehyun. “My feelings for you? Way before I did.”

At this point, Jaehyun wouldn’t be surprised if his heart starts bursting out of his chest. It’s everything he’s always been waiting to, expecting to, praying to hear. And he finally gets to. But something still lingers on the back of his mind.

"But your mom…" he says in a small voice.

Sicheng shrugs. "She's a romantic, she'd understand."

Jaehyun sighs at him. Just how unpredictable is he? "So are you saying this is romantic?" he tilts his eyebrow teasingly at him, and Sicheng proves himself further. 

"It would be if I kissed you right now."

It catches Jaehyun off-guard, looking surprised when Sicheng is cupping both sides of his face, and when he watches him start to smile– the same close-knitted smile that makes the apples of his cheeks prominent, Jaehyun couldn't help but do the same.

“Just so we’re clear," he mutters before he gets lost in a daze, "you’re kissing me and not the other way around, right?”

Sicheng grins shyly, and Jaehyun laughs, his face still held warmly in Sicheng’s hands. “Just shut up,” he mumbles back. He tilts his head, leaning forward, and Jaehyun meets him halfway.

Shanghai never really holds a fireworks show, not since a long time ago, but Jaehyun sure as hell feels like they just did for the first time in a while.

Sicheng’s lips feel warm against his, and the kiss starts out nervous, as if testing the waters. Sicheng's hands slide down to rest on both sides of his neck, and Jaehyun can feel people passing by and glancing at them but he doesn’t care. He’s kissing Sicheng, and lord knows how long he’s been dying to find out what it feels like.

When they pull back slowly, their eyes flutter to meet each other, and as soon as they do, they burst out in giggles.

“I change my mind,” Sicheng mutters when it dies down. Jaehyun furrows his brows in question. “Maybe I am mad at Doyoung.”

He chuckles, and Sicheng does too. Jaehyun's hand trails up to his chest, feeling his heartbeat. Although Sicheng is wearing thick, Jaehyun could still feel it beating out underneath his clothes. It’s as fast as his, and he just knows Sicheng had been as anxious as him until this point. His hands reach up higher up to his face, thumb brushing against his cheek delicately. Despite his fingers freezing cold, Sicheng leans into it anyway, all the while never cutting their gazes off. 

Sicheng smiles at him softly, and proceeds to ask, “Can I do that again?”

Jaehyun doesn’t answer him, but instead leans closer, breathing him in one more time. 

-

**_A year later..._ **

“They’ve landed!” Sicheng beams. He’s looking up from his phone as he springs up to his feet from the lounge. “Ten just texted.”

His feet tap excitedly, and there's an undeniable grin on his face while Jaehyun gets up from the seat, turning to look at the arrival exit as he tries to catch familiar faces.

It isn't long until they see their friends pushing their carts out of the gates, and as soon as the rest meets their eyes, the luggage is long forgotten, and they race towards Sicheng and Jaehyun for bear hugs. Well, except for Kun, who’s the only able-minded one frantically trying to gather all of their carts before they wheel out of their sight.

“My gosh, you’ve gotten more handsome!” Ten coos, pinching Jaehyun’s cheeks to which Jaehyun winces in pain at.

Sicheng is busy being mangled by the rest of them, and Lucas wraps him by the waist, twirling him around in the air as Sicheng kicks his feet, begging to be put down.

Jaehyun laughs at the sight of them, and no matter how ridiculous they looked in the eyes of passersby, he couldn't help but miss this– the family he's met and made a year ago. The one thing he's been looking forward to as soon as autumn ended.

He turns back to Ten and wraps an arm around him. “Welcome to Seoul.”

-

“Do you live together now?”

The two of them turn to each other at Kun's question and bashfully shake their heads, letting out nervous laughter. Jaehyun's ears betray him by turning red, and Hendery couldn’t stop teasing him about it, pointing it out that even the waitress serving their food couldn't help but glance at him.

Yangyang gasps, "They do!" and Jaehyun covers his ears with his hands as best as he can, saving himself from as much further embarrassment as he can.

The truth is, they don’t. They don't meet everyday, with Jaehyun being busy with his job at a news firm and Sicheng being busy practicing for his shows, the only chance they ever get to see each other is on weekends.

But every once in a while, Jaehyun invites him over to his room to hangout (okay, maybe they makeout a little too), and it doesn’t take long for his parents to finally get the hint after one day. Jaehyun, unfortunately, had to physically stop them from giving him 'the talk' at age twenty four, and reassures them he's very much aware of what he should and shouldn’t do.

After that, Sicheng pretty much has been given full-access to their house. Jaehyun’s father loves talking to him about his favorite Chinese artists while his mother would most likely disown her own son for Sicheng, even asking Jaehyun when he would be coming over again so she could prepare what he likes. _(“They like you more than me now. I’m their son!”_ Jaehyun would jokingly complain.)

They sleep in the same bed, too, when it’d be too late for Sicheng to go home. It’d be nothing but their heads and shoulders brushing against each other, lying down perpendicularly with their feet against the wall while Jaehyun attempts to name the constellations outside his window. Most of the time he’d fail, and Sicheng would laugh, reminding him which is which– but all Jaehyun could be reminded of is how this was exactly the moment he knew he loved him.

Sicheng’s dad never minded him sleeping over at Jaehyun’s either, because if anything, he’s the one who has been suggesting they rent an apartment together and be roommates. So Kun is right. Again. A year has passed and Kun is still right: at this point, they might as well just live together.

“So who bottoms?” Ten asks, and the others burst out in laughter while Jaehyun almost chokes on his food.

Of course, Hendery and Lucas start making bets on who does, and Dejun tries to tame them but ends up making a guess as to who it is, too. Sicheng sinks in his seat, burying his face under his hands.

Ten grins, biting into his chopsticks as he watches the two turn red. “Look at you two,” he coos, clearly enjoying them squirm. “Still couldn't keep each other apart."

"Someone stop him, please," Sicheng grumbles under his hands, and his friends only probe him for an answer.

Before leaving Shanghai last year, Jaehyun made a promise to become their tour guide whenever they decided to visit Korea, and sure enough, he stayed true to his word. He’s taken them to every crook of the city, brought them to every craving their hearts desired, and when they’ve finally filled their stomachs with as much tteokbokki as they could, he brings them to someplace they’ve always been dreaming of: a ski resort.

The place is roughly two hours away from downtown, but being huddled in a train ride to the hills with this certain group of people is enough to make those two hours entertaining. None of them have ever tried snowboarding before, so it was equally as amusing seeing them fumble and fall face-flat on the snow at their very first attempt.

“Show off!” Ten scowled jokingly when Jaehyun zooms past them down the hill with his board.

He bellows out a laugh, looking back to see them struggling to get on their feet, and when he turns around, he catches sight of Sicheng not too far from him. He’s doing pretty well on his own, and would’ve even gotten a perfect landing had he not smiled back at Jaehyun, and then he’s suddenly losing his balance, falling back on the snow. Jaehyun instinctively falls to his back as well, stopping right where Sicheng did.

“You okay?” he laughs, and Sicheng is rolling over, trying to get back up on his feet.

Sicheng nods, unclipping his boots as he smirks. “You were very distracting.”

"You just fell for me. Literally."

“Don’t push it.”

Jaehyun unclips his own and walks over to help him up, brushing off the flecks of snow that got on Sicheng's hair. "Hey," he mutters as soon as he’s up on his feet, voice shifting from teasing to empathic. "I'm sorry you couldn't go back this year."

Sicheng shakes his head at him. "Nah, don't be." He takes his board in one arm and Jaehyun on the other, dragging him out of the snow before someone accidentally crashes into them. "I knew it would be close to impossible as soon as we graduated, but next year I'm saving up enough so we could be together in New Zealand instead."

Jaehyun's eyes light up. "That means you're finally going to meet your nephew."

"Right? At last!" Sicheng beams at him, drawing out a fake sigh as he sits them down a bench, bumping his shoulder against him.

Jaehyun couldn't help but admire how his eyes glisten in excitement, and when Sicheng notices Jaehyun finding amusement in this, he glowers at him, planting his hand on Jaehyun's face to try and wipe it off.

Jaehyun ducks before Sicheng could get him, and he holds a grip on his wrist as he leans backward, trying to get Sicheng to fall.

Sicheng pulls his hand back before he could get entrapped, and Jaehyun smirks at him, eyes now fixed on the hill where their friends are learning to snowboard themselves. 

They catch sight of Yangyang finally being able to maneuver without falling, and he's gasping in excitement with the rest of them. Jaehyun mindlessly glances back at Sicheng and finds him smiling to himself.

“You know,” Sicheng mutters. He shoves a patch of snow with his boot, scraping them away until he meets the ground, and quietly, he says, “You could come along if you wanted to."

Jaehyun feels his heart swell. A year ago, he has been the one constantly begging Sicheng that he would tag along, convincing himself and masking it as his desire to leave the snowy city. Now, it's Sicheng inviting him in, and Jaehyun couldn't help but think–

"That's your family though."

He's never met his sister in years, more so his extended family. Jaehyun tagging along would feel overwhelming, wouldn't it? His head fills with undeniable worry, but Sicheng turns to him, and without hesitation, he rids Jaehyun from it all. 

"Exactly."

It falls out of his mouth so nonchalantly that Jaehyun is slightly taken aback. Then again, Jaehyun does consider him family. Hell, his _own_ family considers Sicheng family. And maybe this is Sicheng's way of telling him that so is he.

So Jaehyun nods, and he watches as a smile grows on Sicheng’s face, eyes now darting down on his lips. Jaehyun mindlessly pokes his tongue out as he starts to wet it, and Sicheng starts moving closer, close enough to feel his breath. Jaehyun stays still, fluttering his eyes shut as he waits for him to fit their mouths together… and then Sicheng is dashing.

He blinks to himself a few times before he turns his head to the hill, and he watches Sicheng cackling as he tries to run away.

Jaehyun grins, getting up from the bench to start chasing after him.

"Wait, no, no, no!" Sicheng laughs, hands signalling a time out, but he has never been one to step back. When Sicheng realizes he wouldn't stop charging, he runs away further, zooming through his friends as they watch the two continuously chase each other.

“Stop running!” Jaehyun laughs a few feet behind him.

“I yield! I yield!”

They finally reach the top of the hill which is pretty much a free-for-all zone, and Jaehyun is panting breathlessly to a halt, hands on his knees. When Sicheng realizes he isn’t being chased anymore, he collapses to his back on the snow, catching his breath as his arms and legs are spread out on the ground.

Two kids suddenly pass by him, hopping across his stomach as they chase each other with snowballs, and Jaehyun couldn’t help but smile. It’s nostalgic, in a sense. It’s like he could picture the early stages of his friendship with Sicheng– him with his cast and Sicheng’s name written on it, almost like he imprinted his name on Jaehyun’s life.

Then all of a sudden, Jaehyun gets pelted with a snowball on the back of his head. He looks behind him to find Lucas grinning, and it isn’t long until it’s a full-blown snowball fight.

"Run!" Lucas yells to the others, and each of them waste no time retreating.

Jaehyun starts dodging and digging on the ground, balling up fistfuls and throwing them to whoever he could spot first. 

When he turns, a snowball lands squarely on his face, and he swats it off to see Sicheng beaming at him, another one ready on his hand. He shrieks as Jaehyun drops all his ammo, suddenly running after him to finish where they left off, and then Sicheng is on his feet– laughter piercing through the field as if it's Jaehyun's favorite song.

It makes him wonder how lucky he could possibly be to have such a bestfriend to fall in love with:

The best friend he’s running around with in the snow, and even though snow isn’t his most favorite thing, it’s somehow starting to be.

The best friend he finally gets to lock in his arms, twirl around, and laugh breathlessly with, and when he finally squirms from his grip to turn and face him, ultimately leaning into to share a fluttering kiss with.

The best friend Jaehyun used to look at and wonder _'Out of all the people, why does it have to you?'_

Sicheng. The best friend he’s now thinking could have never been anyone else.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> if you’ve made it this far, thank you for reading my most valued passion project. I’ve kept this story to myself for so long, so i’m very glad i finally got to share this ;;;
> 
> thank you 🥀 for providing me with the best, detailed, and most helpful feedback. just by reading your lengthy remarks already brings a smile to my face, and i’m very happy to have shown you this during the early process of it all. a special thank you to ben&ben for setting up the mood to some of my most favorite pivotal scenes. to those who will be stumbling on this in the future, congratulations for seeing the beauty that is jaewin. and of course, to everyone who enjoyed this little ode of mine, my greatest and sincerest thanks to you.
> 
> to [jips](https://twitter.com/jipsmonyet/status/1286331855004811265) and [belle,](https://twitter.com/bituinan/status/1312556934843691009) thank you for the wonderful fanart that you guys have shared with me! i'll treasure them forever.
> 
> I would be grateful to hear your thoughts in the comments, and as always, kudos are very much appreciated! again, thank you for reading <3
> 
> [twitter](http://twitter.com/dochidoii/) | [cc](http://curiouscat.me/dochidoii/)


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